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| “My innermost dream is to be secure enough financially to do what I like doing and to be able to do more and give back to my community. I want to learn more about humanity and its limitations […] I’d like to be able to be in a role where I can mentor young women, teach them basic skills but more importantly resilience”. |
One of the hardest things is to find the right way to genuinely connect to people; especially when I haven’t met them beforehand and I don’t know much about them. It’s easy to say (inadvertently) the wrong things or to hit a false note before you even get the dialogue going. Therefore, it’s even more rewarding when that dialogue happens and people open their heart and share their story.
I have only met Hoa on the day of our interview. I knew right then that she is an extraordinary woman and I will always carry with me this image of a little girl finding her cowboy boots as the image of comfort and happiness in her new country. To me, it’s an image reinforcing humanity at its best.
Recently, a friend commented on the importance of recording these stories of our time and on their documentary value. I didn’t fully realise how right he was, but it made me think. In light of recent global events, where refugees fleeing conflict zones are met with doubt and disdain, where young children get separated from their parents and made to stand in tribunals, with no legal representation, it becomes more important than ever to record these stories and learn. If we don’t take the time to listen, we might never understand how a child’s path is influenced by the chance given to them at the right time.
- When I was 10 or 11 years old, I wanted to be an architect. It was an idea that came from a Chinese TV series that I loved watching. There was a strong female character in it – she was an architect - and her character shaped my thinking about what I could be, although at the time I didn’t really know what an architect was. Throughout my life, I have always looked for the resemblance of that woman – for good role models, resilient, strong women who are able to be in a work environment where they would not have to try so hard to point out their eminence and aren’t seen like the underdog.
After becoming an architect, I realised that what I really wanted to be, was a Design Manager. I was part of the team working on Canberra Centre’s First Extension. We were in a meeting with the Project Director and all the consultants. At the time, architecture had been sidelined more and more and to our own discredit, the industry hasn’t kept up with knowing how to build on time and on budget. I realised in that meeting that they were cutting some of the design elements out and I remember sitting there thinking: I need to get into that chair, or as close as I can get to that chair, in order to have some control over the design.
After that, I left architecture and I went to work in project management for a while. I worked at the National Library doing contract administration, then I worked with Defence Housing, building houses around the countries and learning how to be a Project Manager. My true moment came when I was approached to be the design manager for Crace. I worked on Crace for eight years and then a couple of years ago, I was approached by the Ginninderry team and asked to work on their new project.
It is a challenging job, being the Design Manager. It requires a lot of thinking, putting good design back into a project, achieving results without going over the top and trying to find the balance between doing a great job while keeping within the budget. Everyone can build things, but are they sustainable? These days I am interested in the development as a whole project, not just the design element – that is only one part of it.
Recently, a friend commented on the importance of recording these stories of our time and on their documentary value. I didn’t fully realise how right he was, but it made me think. In light of recent global events, where refugees fleeing conflict zones are met with doubt and disdain, where young children get separated from their parents and made to stand in tribunals, with no legal representation, it becomes more important than ever to record these stories and learn. If we don’t take the time to listen, we might never understand how a child’s path is influenced by the chance given to them at the right time.
- When I was 10 or 11 years old, I wanted to be an architect. It was an idea that came from a Chinese TV series that I loved watching. There was a strong female character in it – she was an architect - and her character shaped my thinking about what I could be, although at the time I didn’t really know what an architect was. Throughout my life, I have always looked for the resemblance of that woman – for good role models, resilient, strong women who are able to be in a work environment where they would not have to try so hard to point out their eminence and aren’t seen like the underdog.
After becoming an architect, I realised that what I really wanted to be, was a Design Manager. I was part of the team working on Canberra Centre’s First Extension. We were in a meeting with the Project Director and all the consultants. At the time, architecture had been sidelined more and more and to our own discredit, the industry hasn’t kept up with knowing how to build on time and on budget. I realised in that meeting that they were cutting some of the design elements out and I remember sitting there thinking: I need to get into that chair, or as close as I can get to that chair, in order to have some control over the design.
After that, I left architecture and I went to work in project management for a while. I worked at the National Library doing contract administration, then I worked with Defence Housing, building houses around the countries and learning how to be a Project Manager. My true moment came when I was approached to be the design manager for Crace. I worked on Crace for eight years and then a couple of years ago, I was approached by the Ginninderry team and asked to work on their new project.
It is a challenging job, being the Design Manager. It requires a lot of thinking, putting good design back into a project, achieving results without going over the top and trying to find the balance between doing a great job while keeping within the budget. Everyone can build things, but are they sustainable? These days I am interested in the development as a whole project, not just the design element – that is only one part of it.
- I don’t remember having a favourite story as a child, but when I was about 8 years old, my father was in the South Vietnamese Army, helping the Americans before they withdrew from Vietnam. He got a projector from them and we had all these movie nights, with all of our families and friends. Some of them were just documentaries, bits and pieces giving us a glimpse into a life style we didn’t know. They appealed to me. The Americans were about to withdraw from Vietnam; there was a lot going on and everyone was talking about starting a new life in America, having in mind the Western lifestyle. There is one thing that stayed with me because it shaped my life. In one of the documentaries, we saw this family, going about their life. The children slept in bunk beds, they had big soft toys and they were sitting in front of the fire. They were all wearing cowboy boots. It’s an image I carried with me and in fact, after we arrived to Australia, we were given Red Cross vouchers to get clothes from their stores. The first thing I bought for myself was a pair of cowboy boots. They were my favourite shoes ever and I remember thinking how close I was to that freedom, to the dream I saw reflected from that documentary. I felt so close to that family and that moment. I go back to it over and over again, realising how much it has shaped my life, how much I wanted to be part of the Western culture, getting all those things that we didn’t have in Vietnam.
I think I associated the Western culture with the sentimentality of comfort and family; it’s amazing how that has driven me. I wanted that stability I saw in the documentary. I was only 10 years old when we arrived in Australia and it was a new experience to finally have stability in our life. We had been living in a country that was constantly at war, changing money every month due to inflation. We couldn’t go to school, there was a lot of uncertainty. People started to disappear, after the Americans left. My father was sent to labour camp and we didn’t know where he was. My grandfather had to bribe officials to bring him back. In the end, we got on a boat and left for Malaysia. Back then, there really wasn’t a people smuggling operation. You had to find someone with a boat, willing to take passengers and then you would pay for your passage. They were also seeking refuge as well. The boat we embarked on, was the 3rd boat we attempted to leave Vietnam, and we finally made it to Malaysia. Being a Chinese family in Vietnam wasn’t easy. My grandfather was a wealthy businessman and we were targeted as the Capitalists. My father was sent to “re-education” in labour camp. In the end we had to leave to escape persecution.
- Did you find it hard to adjust to your new life style, transitioning to a new culture?
- No, I don’t think I was home sick. The uncertainty we experienced in Vietnam meant there wasn’t much we wanted to cling onto. When you go to a new place under the conditions we experienced, you just go with the flow. After we arrived, life settled pretty easily. We would go to school then to Sunday church group. The Australian families welcomed us and it brought back that community feeling. They would offer us lamingtons and scones for afternoon tea after church. We were housed in a hostel and we were offered an English program for adults and school for the children. We were very well looked after, in terms of shelter and basic needs. I didn’t know English well at that time but one learns very fast. I don’t know the exact moment when I started thinking in English. I remember this moment of realisation one night: “God, I am thinking in English, when did that happen?” I was 13 or 14 years old, I think. I can’t think Cantonese now; I find it fascinating, how this transition happens, when you speak two languages. My siblings and I speak English to each other. My parents speak both Cantonese and English and we use both languages to communicate.
Coming out of high school, I chose Architecture. I worked hard in school and after I finished the HSC, I had enough points to study medicine – it’s every Asian parent’s dream, that their child will study medicine or dentistry. I didn’t want that. I chose architecture, it was what interested me ever since I was a little girl. I wasn’t sure what it was going to be like, but I do like the science behind the art form.
It’s something I have always been conscious about; I appreciate art to a certain extent. I take photographs, I put them on Instagram and I don’t put any comments. All my photos are just images of a celebration of life. I go around, take plenty of photos of everything and celebrate life in all forms. They are not a work of art, in terms of photography, but they reflect me. It’s me, seeing the joy in life. I like art that does tell a story and touches you even through the most ordinary things. In fact, the more ordinary it is, the more poetic. I find it very nourishing for the soul.
- Who am I now? I would like to think that I am a lot wiser and more comfortable in my skin and a lot happier. The biggest thing for me right now is the ability to understand the human condition and its limitations. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce; it felt like the rug was pulled from underneath me and I didn’t know how I was going to survive. I had to wrap up that part of life and pull myself out of the mess – It’s been a great journey actually. I understand now what it means to be fulfilled and I am actually grateful that things worked out that way. I wouldn’t be where I am today and I wouldn’t be who I am, without that experience. I have finally come to understand that there were parts of me I didn’t like and I could work on, to become a better person. I look at my mirror, trying to pull apart what is intrinsically me and what has been nurtured? what was the environment pressure? All those things were going through my head: which bit is essentially me and which is not? I got to know and understand myself better. You feel so free, once you get to that point. There has been a lot of internal reflection over these last few years. I have always been one of these self-help readers, trying to read any self-help book that came my way. I think this has been part of my path to contentment. I would not describe myself as religious, but spiritual. There is this particular Buddhist monk in Western Australia; I love listening to his sermons because he brings me a lot of comfort. He is very practical and that resonates with me.
There is a constant struggle in me, a debate between art and pragmatism. I appreciate art but sometimes there is the dilemma when facing a choice between art and practical things. For instance, where does one draw the line; how do you choose whether to fund hospitals or to fund the arts? It’s a hard choice; it’s not a question that is easy to answer. I struggle with that personally, because I think that both are important and because one cannot exist without art in their life.
I like where I am now in my life. I feel secure and I am able to show my vulnerability.
- Sounds a bit materialistic, but my innermost dream is to be secure enough financially to do what I like doing and to be able to do more and give back to my community. I want to learn more about humanity and its limitations.
Growing up in a Chinese family, like millions of Chinese girls and boys, I had to be more than perfect – expectations are unbelievably tough. I think that approach, where you cannot show your vulnerability is not very good for any child. I'd like to be able to be in a role where I can mentor young women, teach them basic skills but more importantly resilience.
I feel that I have been so isolated, in the way I grew up. The expectations are high and you don’t have the freedom to be who you are, except the person you have been moulded into. I hope I will have the ability to define myself. One thing I am very proud of, is that I am not a tiger mom. I let my son choose what he wants in life. I say to him all the time that all I want for him is to live his life and not be restricted.
I think that by the time people turned 50, they should live the life they love, not the life that is expected; I think they have earned it - there are too many people that feel like they haven’t earned it and still asked for permission to live their lives.
What keeps Hoa motivated?
- Who am I now? I would like to think that I am a lot wiser and more comfortable in my skin and a lot happier. The biggest thing for me right now is the ability to understand the human condition and its limitations. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce; it felt like the rug was pulled from underneath me and I didn’t know how I was going to survive. I had to wrap up that part of life and pull myself out of the mess – It’s been a great journey actually. I understand now what it means to be fulfilled and I am actually grateful that things worked out that way. I wouldn’t be where I am today and I wouldn’t be who I am, without that experience. I have finally come to understand that there were parts of me I didn’t like and I could work on, to become a better person. I look at my mirror, trying to pull apart what is intrinsically me and what has been nurtured? what was the environment pressure? All those things were going through my head: which bit is essentially me and which is not? I got to know and understand myself better. You feel so free, once you get to that point. There has been a lot of internal reflection over these last few years. I have always been one of these self-help readers, trying to read any self-help book that came my way. I think this has been part of my path to contentment. I would not describe myself as religious, but spiritual. There is this particular Buddhist monk in Western Australia; I love listening to his sermons because he brings me a lot of comfort. He is very practical and that resonates with me.
There is a constant struggle in me, a debate between art and pragmatism. I appreciate art but sometimes there is the dilemma when facing a choice between art and practical things. For instance, where does one draw the line; how do you choose whether to fund hospitals or to fund the arts? It’s a hard choice; it’s not a question that is easy to answer. I struggle with that personally, because I think that both are important and because one cannot exist without art in their life.
I like where I am now in my life. I feel secure and I am able to show my vulnerability.
- Sounds a bit materialistic, but my innermost dream is to be secure enough financially to do what I like doing and to be able to do more and give back to my community. I want to learn more about humanity and its limitations.
Growing up in a Chinese family, like millions of Chinese girls and boys, I had to be more than perfect – expectations are unbelievably tough. I think that approach, where you cannot show your vulnerability is not very good for any child. I'd like to be able to be in a role where I can mentor young women, teach them basic skills but more importantly resilience.
I feel that I have been so isolated, in the way I grew up. The expectations are high and you don’t have the freedom to be who you are, except the person you have been moulded into. I hope I will have the ability to define myself. One thing I am very proud of, is that I am not a tiger mom. I let my son choose what he wants in life. I say to him all the time that all I want for him is to live his life and not be restricted.
I think that by the time people turned 50, they should live the life they love, not the life that is expected; I think they have earned it - there are too many people that feel like they haven’t earned it and still asked for permission to live their lives.
What keeps Hoa motivated?
- Determination and drive are what keeps me going. But I have to admit, you do need to score wins sometimes, that adds a lot to a person’s confidence. Each little success builds on the little wins, then there is a next one, and then the next one… and then it helps to shape your confidence. But if one is not given the opportunities, one can feel dejected and pretty beaten up.
I believe that determination is intrinsic to my character and not nurtured. Lots of girls get brain-washed to be compliant and accept their limitations but it comes down to the strength of character. Something I do love about myself is that I am determined. I got burned out so many times in my career because I didn’t know how to deal with stress, or ask for help or learn how to say no. I learned it the hard way, but I came out better and more resilient - that cannot be a bad thing and it’s something to celebrate. This is something I didn’t make time to do before but now, I celebrate everything. Life is a celebration.
I will turn 50 next year and without sounding pessimistic, if I am lucky I ‘ll live to 100 but really, the next 20 years are going to be the best years of my life. Reading about people dying when they are 49 years old, 50 years old or 52 years old gets me worried because I ask myself the question: did they get to do what they wanted to do in life? I get worried about not doing what I want to, therefore I make sure there are plenty opportunities to follow my dreams and that I am using the time to rebuild my dreams.
They say it takes a village to raise a child. I tell you what, it takes a village to support a woman going through divorce too. I was so lucky to have the support of so many friends and family. There is no way I could have done all this on my own.
- I hope in five years’ time I will still be here at Ginninderry, doing more and in a bigger role. I want to be able to work with an even more diverse work team and learn to relate to people better. I want to do more of everything. We are all still learning till the day we die. And the more we learn, the more we discover what we don’t know. And one thing I come to realise is that you never learn diversity from the same group of people.
I believe that determination is intrinsic to my character and not nurtured. Lots of girls get brain-washed to be compliant and accept their limitations but it comes down to the strength of character. Something I do love about myself is that I am determined. I got burned out so many times in my career because I didn’t know how to deal with stress, or ask for help or learn how to say no. I learned it the hard way, but I came out better and more resilient - that cannot be a bad thing and it’s something to celebrate. This is something I didn’t make time to do before but now, I celebrate everything. Life is a celebration.
I will turn 50 next year and without sounding pessimistic, if I am lucky I ‘ll live to 100 but really, the next 20 years are going to be the best years of my life. Reading about people dying when they are 49 years old, 50 years old or 52 years old gets me worried because I ask myself the question: did they get to do what they wanted to do in life? I get worried about not doing what I want to, therefore I make sure there are plenty opportunities to follow my dreams and that I am using the time to rebuild my dreams.
They say it takes a village to raise a child. I tell you what, it takes a village to support a woman going through divorce too. I was so lucky to have the support of so many friends and family. There is no way I could have done all this on my own.
- I hope in five years’ time I will still be here at Ginninderry, doing more and in a bigger role. I want to be able to work with an even more diverse work team and learn to relate to people better. I want to do more of everything. We are all still learning till the day we die. And the more we learn, the more we discover what we don’t know. And one thing I come to realise is that you never learn diversity from the same group of people.
- If I had those 15 minutes of fame, I would love to be a good role model for younger women: I would tell them “take your time, don’t rush and make time to enjoy things more. Life is a marathon, not a sprint – so make sure you have enough reserve to run the whole marathon’. That’s what I didn’t do when I was younger; I was trying too hard to do it all. I never wanted to be a strong advocate for anything but I realised that once you are privileged enough to be in that position, it becomes a responsibility. I want to be the one to assist women in need of help.
- I was very fortunate that throughout my career, I had many good role models.
I am also my own role model because often if I don’t do something well, I go back and look at the ways I could do it better. And I take time to reflect on things, or congratulate myself on a job well done. I allow myself to enjoy the success because I have worked hard to get there.
- My favourite author is Ian McEwan - I really loved “The Children Act”. It’s about a judge – she has to determine whether a little boy can or cannot have a blood transfusion. The parents are Jehovah’s Witnesses and they wouldn’t allow it but the hospital takes them to court, in a bid to save the boy’s life. Obviously, she will determine that the boy should have the transfusion and it’s a decision that saves his life but this brought on other issues of ethics and morality. I like McEwan’s books because of this theme he explores in his works; life’s dilemmas and morality. At what point do some seemingly simple things that happen shape you into who you are? Like “Atonement” for instance. A little girl innocently lied and her lying affected and had a huge impact on everyone’s lives. On one level, it’s very fatalistic, but on the other hand, it shows how much our actions can affect the course of life; our lives and other people’s lives.
- My biggest regret is not understanding earlier what was happening with my life, and my marriage. When my husband left, I didn’t see it coming and for years, I beat myself up for not being able to see it, for not having the emotional intelligence to understand it. But I didn’t know how I could have done better.
- I feel most peaceful in solitude. When I bought my little unit, I changed the garden and shaped it into something I enjoy. I love gardening; it gives me peace and the solitude I need. I like reflecting and I spend a lot of time alone.
- If I had to define myself in one word, that would be “Complex” but we are all complex beings. I could be really strong and yet some days I feel helpless. I am trying to give myself permission to be human; I think showing my vulnerability is one of the important things that are part of the process. Another word that would describe me is “Glamorous”. I love beauty and beautiful things.
A question I like to ask my sitters is whether they are motivated best by Success or by Failure. I was really keen to hear Hoa’s thoughts.
- I would say Success. Failure teaches me to survive and from there, to try not to do again the things that lead me to fail. But I think I thrive on success. Every little success builds another one and another one and I find it easier to achieve things.
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