The Faithful

My innermost dream is to see a Christian revival throughout the country, if not the world; and possibly be part of that revival. I want people to experience God in their lives

The energy around our dojo is contagious. When we joined, it was initially because we wanted to do an activity together, as a family. We found an extended family here; we made many wonderful friends and most importantly, we found some amazing mentors. The laughter is contagious, particularly when there are so many young children around and soon enough, I noticed what a difference it made, when one is smiling while training. 

I have always admired Sensei Craig’s way of channelling kids’ energy and gently guiding them into action. In time, I grew to admire more and more the type of person he is. We share the same sense of humour and sometimes we commiserated over parenthood dilemmas, as our daughters used to be in the same class.
However, the reason that made me ask him to be a sitter in this project was his great ability to juggle his own several hats each day.

- “I wear probably 4 or 5 hats daily, depending on the day of the week. I am a husband, a father, a priest, a Sensei and a soldier. It’s very hard to choose a favourite. It will be a close draw between being a father and a husband; I am a family man.

When I was a child, I wanted to be a pilot. Back then it seemed something exotic and wonderful and exciting.
I have no recollection of a favourite story or anything from my early childhood. I was 6 years old when I suffered total amnesia. 

My foot got caught in the stirrup of a horse that bolted and I got dragged for a couple of hundred meters. I was unconscious for a week. The earliest I can go back in time, I think I loved Snow White because of this idea we have of happy endings. Snow White is the standard fairy tale with the happy ending.

I used to paint my pinkies in pink because that was a tradition for men many years ago; and because I could fight. I used to be a rebel; I used to do everything different. I wore an earring for a while in high school but then when everyone else started to wear one, I took mine off because I was only doing it to be different.

Coming out of high school, I decided I wanted to be an engineer. I studied for a couple of years but then I gave up. Freud would tell you that I was probably seeking my father’s approval and that I was pursuing engineering for the wrong reasons. Eventually, I swapped after a couple of years and I went to study law. I never finished law either.
I was searching for God at the time and I had ethical dilemmas with studying law. Then something happened. In my first year of law studies, I found out that I had dyslexia; more exactly Irlen Syndrome, which at the time was considered a form of dyslexia. I didn’t realise it until a point when, after spending three days and three nights studying, I could not catch up. I started to ask some of my colleagues what their average speed was and I was blown away to hear that other people go through 20-30 pages per hour. My average speed was 2 pages per hour. Until then, I wasn’t aware I had a problem. My previous reports would say I was lazy and did not study, but they haven’t pick up on my inability of reading because I had a high enough IQ to cover that. I just assumed that everyone read at the same speed.

My dream back then was to prove myself to my father and to end up wealthy and successful; -pretty much to be the image of everything that the secular society told me it would make me valuable”.

- How do you think you did with that dream?

- “I abandoned that. I found God and I realised how hollow and empty those pursuits were and that I was never going to find happiness or my self-worth in pursuing those things”.

- How did you find Him? Was it a revelation or an intrinsic self-search?

- “I always knew He was there. I honestly can’t remember a time when I didn’t know that God existed. I used to always ask a series of questions to lots of people when they were trying to Evangelise to me. And most of them failed answering those questions. Then something changed when I joined the army the second time. A chaplain was able to answer my questions and that was the beginning point of where I had a mature understanding of who God was and what a personal relationship with God is. 

I like who I am now, because I realise I found purpose in what I am doing in life. All the things I was previously doing, they felt empty. Instead, now I have God - given purpose in life. 

- My innermost dream is to see a Christian revival throughout the country, if not the world; and possibly be part of that revival. I want people to experience God in their lives.
The way society is going, people are searching for something to fill their lives because we were not made to be alone. We are meant to be in a relationship and without that, people tend to fill the empty space with things – things that can be quite destructive; drugs, sexual abuse, promiscuity, alcohol, trying to fill the emptiness with things. We are made to worship and when we are not, we become isolated, we are filling our needs with the wrong things; be it our cars, our houses, you name it. Something else becomes our god and when that happens, we don’t end up fulfilled because those things are not able to replace spirituality”.

- What about scientists? Do you think their lives are not fulfilled? That being said, Newton was a scientist and a man of God.

- “Science is trying to prove things with empirical proofs. That’s fine. But if we were to apply science on God, scientists are not able to prove the miraculous – because by definition the miraculous doesn’t have any proof; you have to dismiss that in order to have the science. Then you still have this emptiness around, not being able to experience the miraculous that exist.
The Big Bang theory explains the creation of the world back to 10 to the -23 seconds, I believe, forward but cannot explain the creation of the Universe from point zero.
Even in the science world there are disputes about creation because it doesn’t address it fully.

The things that keeps me going and motivated are my relationship with God and my faith that what I am doing is His purpose for my life.

In 5 years’ time, I see myself in Townsville as a chaplain in the Defence Force, preparing for my eldest child to complete schooling and move into their next stage of life. At the same time, my youngest child will start his school. They will both need guidance and the acceptance that they can and will make mistakes. I would love to provide that support.

If I had those 15 minutes of fame, I would like to use them to share the Gospel message, that God came into the world as Jesus and paid the price for our sins and died on the cross so that our sins can be forgiven and we can have a relationship with God.
Whenever I have a Baptism ceremony, I give them a band with 4 colours on it that represents the Gospel message. The colours are: Green – in the beginning God created the world and everything was perfect. Black – sin entered the world. Red – Jesus came and paid the price for our sins and White - we are forgiven, now God wants to have a relationship with us again.

My first role model was Jeff Webb, the priest who brought me to my mature faith. And of course, Christ is my ongoing role model because I believe we are made in the image of God and that image is revealed to us in the incarnation of Jesus Christ;I am trying to model myself after Him, being a good Christian.

My favourite movie is the new Ben Hur. It’s even better than the original; in the first movie the Christian message was quite covert. The new version is more open.

My only regret in life is not doing it with a smile. If there is one single thing I could go back and change, it will be this, doing everything with a smile, be it bad, good or indifferent. Everything that happened in my life shaped me into who I am now. At times I struggled against that and resisted instead of smiling and accepting that everything has a purpose".

- Is that the reason you ask the young children to smile while we train in the dojo?

- "The reason I am a Sensei, the reason my class has grown is because I am there to give people confidence, to encourage and help them when they want to be helped. I don’t want it to be about me. If I stand in front and yell commands at people, telling them what to do, it becomes about me. When I tell them to smile and enjoy themselves, it’s about them learning in a fun way. I had a little boy who became intimidated when hearing commands and started to cry; I sensed pretty quickly that something had happened in his life, for him to react like that. I made a point not to yell, to make him comfortable, to build him up and show him that he could enjoy himself. I don’t demand respect, respect is earned.

The most peaceful place is at home with my family.
I am always in the presence of God and I don’t need to link him to singular places. The Church is the gathering of the people not the building. Limiting God’s presence to a building, is basically putting God in a box and basically saying God only exists in there.

Home is the only place where I can be me and I don’t have to worry about how my actions will be perceived by the people seeing me wearing all these many hats.

I met my wife when we were in University; we were flatmates for a while. She hated me so I move out but kept in contact with her. She had this vision that she was going to meet her husband at a certain party, wearing a certain dress. She also knew that her husband would have green eyes, but she didn’t know more because all she could see was him sitting in a corner. I knew exactly what that meant; because since I had moved out, I had always watched over her and I had kept in contact.
Years later I took her to that party; I already knew by then that I wanted her to be my wife. I used to pray for someone like Julie-Ann, but I wanted someone who was also Christian.

I didn’t realise it, in the beginning but somewhere down the track, it clicked. When we were talking on the phone, she always used to say “I have to go” but she never said where. Then one day, she confessed that she was going to church. An Anglican Church, so I knew that moment that she was going to be my wife.

I sent her a rose picture on Valentine’s Day, confessing my love and then we decided to be together. I was about to move out of town and Julie-Ann said she would move with me. I wanted her to come with me, but I didn’t want to live together playing husband and wife, so two weeks later I proposed to her. That was on the 1st of the 3rd of the 3rd: I resigned my commission on the 2nd of the 3rd of the 3rd and then I became a soldier on 3rd of the 3rd of the 3rd “.

- How does being a soldier and a priest work together?

- “I am going to be a chaplain, which encompasses both. Interestingly we see soldiers in a popular light; we don’t tell them not to be soldiers. We tell them not to be dishonest, but never to stop being soldiers. If you look at Christ; Christ gave his life to save us – soldiers do the same, they put their life on the lines, protecting communities and countries. 

I have been on Peace Keeping missions. They were very hard to understand at times and that is why it’s very important to have the conviction of who you are and why you are doing it. The hardest thing I had to do – I caught a young boy stealing electrical wires from an abandoned warehouse, he was going to sell it. I gave him a stern talking to. A couple of weeks later, one of the other patrols in the area found him injured and they had to take him to the hospital. He was about 9 or 10 years old. It’s very difficult to know how to react in these situations, I suppose I was trying to be a soldier and a parent at the same time. It was a case of working out what I needed to do to keep him away. In hindsight, I should have scared him off but it was one of those awkward circumstances, would I be a soldier or a dad for this little one”?

The Sophist

“My innermost dream is to be secure enough financially to do what I like doing and to be able to do more and give back to my community. I want to learn more about humanity and its limitations […] I’d like to be able to be in a role where I can mentor young women, teach them basic skills but more importantly resilience”.

It’s been almost 3 years from when I wrote the first story for these series of interviews. I have learned so much and I have met many people that I now look up to. Some of them have become great mentors. Others are now my extended family. Most importantly, I call all of them my cherished friends.

One of the hardest things is to find the right way to genuinely connect to people; especially when I haven’t met them beforehand and I don’t know much about them. It’s easy to say (inadvertently) the wrong things or to hit a false note before you even get the dialogue going. Therefore, it’s even more rewarding when that dialogue happens and people open their heart and share their story. 

I have only met Hoa on the day of our interview. I knew right then that she is an extraordinary woman and I will always carry with me this image of a little girl finding her cowboy boots as the image of comfort and happiness in her new country. To me, it’s an image reinforcing humanity at its best.

Recently, a friend commented on the importance of recording these stories of our time and on their documentary value. I didn’t fully realise how right he was, but it made me think. In light of recent global events, where refugees fleeing conflict zones are met with doubt and disdain, where young children get separated from their parents and made to stand in tribunals, with no legal representation, it becomes more important than ever to record these stories and learn. If we don’t take the time to listen, we might never understand how a child’s path is influenced by the chance given to them at the right time.

- When I was 10 or 11 years old, I wanted to be an architect. It was an idea that came from a Chinese TV series that I loved watching. There was a strong female character in it – she was an architect - and her character shaped my thinking about what I could be, although at the time I didn’t really know what an architect was. Throughout my life, I have always looked for the resemblance of that woman – for good role models, resilient, strong women who are able to be in a work environment where they would not have to try so hard to point out their eminence and aren’t seen like the underdog.

After becoming an architect, I realised that what I really wanted to be, was a Design Manager. I was part of the team working on Canberra Centre’s First Extension. We were in a meeting with the Project Director and all the consultants. At the time, architecture had been sidelined more and more and to our own discredit, the industry hasn’t kept up with knowing how to build on time and on budget. I realised in that meeting that they were cutting some of the design elements out and I remember sitting there thinking: I need to get into that chair, or as close as I can get to that chair, in order to have some control over the design.
After that, I left architecture and I went to work in project management for a while. I worked at the National Library doing contract administration, then I worked with Defence Housing, building houses around the countries and learning how to be a Project Manager. My true moment came when I was approached to be the design manager for Crace. I worked on Crace for eight years and then a couple of years ago, I was approached by the Ginninderry team and asked to work on their new project.

It is a challenging job, being the Design Manager. It requires a lot of thinking, putting good design back into a project, achieving results without going over the top and trying to find the balance between doing a great job while keeping within the budget. Everyone can build things, but are they sustainable? These days I am interested in the development as a whole project, not just the design element – that is only one part of it. 

- I don’t remember having a favourite story as a child, but when I was about 8 years old, my father was in the South Vietnamese Army, helping the Americans before they withdrew from Vietnam. He got a projector from them and we had all these movie nights, with all of our families and friends. Some of them were just documentaries, bits and pieces giving us a glimpse into a life style we didn’t know. They appealed to me. The Americans were about to withdraw from Vietnam; there was a lot going on and everyone was talking about starting a new life in America, having in mind the Western lifestyle. There is one thing that stayed with me because it shaped my life. In one of the documentaries, we saw this family, going about their life. The children slept in bunk beds, they had big soft toys and they were sitting in front of the fire. They were all wearing cowboy boots. It’s an image I carried with me and in fact, after we arrived to Australia, we were given Red Cross vouchers to get clothes from their stores. The first thing I bought for myself was a pair of cowboy boots. They were my favourite shoes ever and I remember thinking how close I was to that freedom, to the dream I saw reflected from that documentary. I felt so close to that family and that moment. I go back to it over and over again, realising how much it has shaped my life, how much I wanted to be part of the Western culture, getting all those things that we didn’t have in Vietnam.
I think I associated the Western culture with the sentimentality of comfort and family; it’s amazing how that has driven me. I wanted that stability I saw in the documentary. I was only 10 years old when we arrived in Australia and it was a new experience to finally have stability in our life. We had been living in a country that was constantly at war, changing money every month due to inflation. We couldn’t go to school, there was a lot of uncertainty. People started to disappear, after the Americans left. My father was sent to labour camp and we didn’t know where he was. My grandfather had to bribe officials to bring him back. In the end, we got on a boat and left for Malaysia. Back then, there really wasn’t a people smuggling operation. You had to find someone with a boat, willing to take passengers and then you would pay for your passage. They were also seeking refuge as well. The boat we embarked on, was the 3rd boat we attempted to leave Vietnam, and we finally made it to Malaysia. Being a Chinese family in Vietnam wasn’t easy. My grandfather was a wealthy businessman and we were targeted as the Capitalists. My father was sent to “re-education” in labour camp. In the end we had to leave to escape persecution.

- Did you find it hard to adjust to your new life style, transitioning to a new culture?

- No, I don’t think I was home sick. The uncertainty we experienced in Vietnam meant there wasn’t much we wanted to cling onto. When you go to a new place under the conditions we experienced, you just go with the flow. After we arrived, life settled pretty easily. We would go to school then to Sunday church group. The Australian families welcomed us and it brought back that community feeling. They would offer us lamingtons and scones for afternoon tea after church. We were housed in a hostel and we were offered an English program for adults and school for the children. We were very well looked after, in terms of shelter and basic needs. I didn’t know English well at that time but one learns very fast. I don’t know the exact moment when I started thinking in English. I remember this moment of realisation one night: “God, I am thinking in English, when did that happen?” I was 13 or 14 years old, I think. I can’t think Cantonese now; I find it fascinating, how this transition happens, when you speak two languages. My siblings and I speak English to each other. My parents speak both Cantonese and English and we use both languages to communicate.

Coming out of high school, I chose Architecture. I worked hard in school and after I finished the HSC, I had enough points to study medicine – it’s every Asian parent’s dream, that their child will study medicine or dentistry. I didn’t want that. I chose architecture, it was what interested me ever since I was a little girl. I wasn’t sure what it was going to be like, but I do like the science behind the art form. 

It’s something I have always been conscious about; I appreciate art to a certain extent. I take photographs, I put them on Instagram and I don’t put any comments. All my photos are just images of a celebration of life. I go around, take plenty of photos of everything and celebrate life in all forms. They are not a work of art, in terms of photography, but they reflect me. It’s me, seeing the joy in life. I like art that does tell a story and touches you even through the most ordinary things. In fact, the more ordinary it is, the more poetic. I find it very nourishing for the soul.

- Who am I now? I would like to think that I am a lot wiser and more comfortable in my skin and a lot happier. The biggest thing for me right now is the ability to understand the human condition and its limitations. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce; it felt like the rug was pulled from underneath me and I didn’t know how I was going to survive. I had to wrap up that part of life and pull myself out of the mess – It’s been a great journey actually. I understand now what it means to be fulfilled and I am actually grateful that things worked out that way. I wouldn’t be where I am today and I wouldn’t be who I am, without that experience. I have finally come to understand that there were parts of me I didn’t like and I could work on, to become a better person. I look at my mirror, trying to pull apart what is intrinsically me and what has been nurtured? what was the environment pressure? All those things were going through my head: which bit is essentially me and which is not? I got to know and understand myself better. You feel so free, once you get to that point. There has been a lot of internal reflection over these last few years. I have always been one of these self-help readers, trying to read any self-help book that came my way. I think this has been part of my path to contentment. I would not describe myself as religious, but spiritual. There is this particular Buddhist monk in Western Australia; I love listening to his sermons because he brings me a lot of comfort. He is very practical and that resonates with me.

There is a constant struggle in me, a debate between art and pragmatism. I appreciate art but sometimes there is the dilemma when facing a choice between art and practical things. For instance, where does one draw the line; how do you choose whether to fund hospitals or to fund the arts? It’s a hard choice; it’s not a question that is easy to answer. I struggle with that personally, because I think that both are important and because one cannot exist without art in their life.

I like where I am now in my life. I feel secure and I am able to show my vulnerability.

- Sounds a bit materialistic, but my innermost dream is to be secure enough financially to do what I like doing and to be able to do more and give back to my community. I want to learn more about humanity and its limitations.
Growing up in a Chinese family, like millions of Chinese girls and boys, I had to be more than perfect – expectations are unbelievably tough. I think that approach, where you cannot show your vulnerability is not very good for any child. I'd like to be able to be in a role where I can mentor young women, teach them basic skills but more importantly resilience.

I feel that I have been so isolated, in the way I grew up. The expectations are high and you don’t have the freedom to be who you are, except the person you have been moulded into. I hope I will have the ability to define myself. One thing I am very proud of, is that I am not a tiger mom. I let my son choose what he wants in life. I say to him all the time that all I want for him is to live his life and not be restricted.

I think that by the time people turned 50, they should live the life they love, not the life that is expected; I think they have earned it - there are too many people that feel like they haven’t earned it and still asked for permission to live their lives.

What keeps Hoa motivated? 

- Determination and drive are what keeps me going. But I have to admit, you do need to score wins sometimes, that adds a lot to a person’s confidence. Each little success builds on the little wins, then there is a next one, and then the next one… and then it helps to shape your confidence. But if one is not given the opportunities, one can feel dejected and pretty beaten up.
I believe that determination is intrinsic to my character and not nurtured. Lots of girls get brain-washed to be compliant and accept their limitations but it comes down to the strength of character. Something I do love about myself is that I am determined. I got burned out so many times in my career because I didn’t know how to deal with stress, or ask for help or learn how to say no. I learned it the hard way, but I came out better and more resilient - that cannot be a bad thing and it’s something to celebrate. This is something I didn’t make time to do before but now, I celebrate everything. Life is a celebration.

I will turn 50 next year and without sounding pessimistic, if I am lucky I ‘ll live to 100 but really, the next 20 years are going to be the best years of my life. Reading about people dying when they are 49 years old, 50 years old or 52 years old gets me worried because I ask myself the question: did they get to do what they wanted to do in life? I get worried about not doing what I want to, therefore I make sure there are plenty opportunities to follow my dreams and that I am using the time to rebuild my dreams.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I tell you what, it takes a village to support a woman going through divorce too. I was so lucky to have the support of so many friends and family. There is no way I could have done all this on my own.

- I hope in five years’ time I will still be here at Ginninderry, doing more and in a bigger role. I want to be able to work with an even more diverse work team and learn to relate to people better. I want to do more of everything. We are all still learning till the day we die. And the more we learn, the more we discover what we don’t know. And one thing I come to realise is that you never learn diversity from the same group of people.

 

- If I had those 15 minutes of fame, I would love to be a good role model for younger women: I would tell them “take your time, don’t rush and make time to enjoy things more. Life is a marathon, not a sprint – so make sure you have enough reserve to run the whole marathon’. That’s what I didn’t do when I was younger; I was trying too hard to do it all. I never wanted to be a strong advocate for anything but I realised that once you are privileged enough to be in that position, it becomes a responsibility. I want to be the one to assist women in need of help.

- I was very fortunate that throughout my career, I had many good role models.
I am also my own role model because often if I don’t do something well, I go back and look at the ways I could do it better. And I take time to reflect on things, or congratulate myself on a job well done. I allow myself to enjoy the success because I have worked hard to get there.

- My favourite author is Ian McEwan - I really loved “The Children Act”. It’s about a judge – she has to determine whether a little boy can or cannot have a blood transfusion. The parents are Jehovah’s Witnesses and they wouldn’t allow it but the hospital takes them to court, in a bid to save the boy’s life. Obviously, she will determine that the boy should have the transfusion and it’s a decision that saves his life but this brought on other issues of ethics and morality. I like McEwan’s books because of this theme he explores in his works; life’s dilemmas and morality. At what point do some seemingly simple things that happen shape you into who you are? Like “Atonement” for instance. A little girl innocently lied and her lying affected and had a huge impact on everyone’s lives. On one level, it’s very fatalistic, but on the other hand, it shows how much our actions can affect the course of life; our lives and other people’s lives.

- My biggest regret is not understanding earlier what was happening with my life, and my marriage. When my husband left, I didn’t see it coming and for years, I beat myself up for not being able to see it, for not having the emotional intelligence to understand it. But I didn’t know how I could have done better.

- I feel most peaceful in solitude. When I bought my little unit, I changed the garden and shaped it into something I enjoy. I love gardening; it gives me peace and the solitude I need. I like reflecting and I spend a lot of time alone.

- If I had to define myself in one word, that would be “Complex” but we are all complex beings. I could be really strong and yet some days I feel helpless. I am trying to give myself permission to be human; I think showing my vulnerability is one of the important things that are part of the process. Another word that would describe me is “Glamorous”. I love beauty and beautiful things.

A question I like to ask my sitters is whether they are motivated best by Success or by Failure. I was really keen to hear Hoa’s thoughts.

- I would say Success. Failure teaches me to survive and from there, to try not to do again the things that lead me to fail. But I think I thrive on success. Every little success builds another one and another one and I find it easier to achieve things.

The Runner

My biggest dream? I have two. I always dreamed that one day, after finishing school, I will open my own vintage sneaker store. I have a pretty impressive sneaker collection already. My parents help me order them online or buy them in stores. So far, my most prized item is a pair of Jordans. I don’t know if it’s the most valuable, but it’s the one I love most. My other big dream is to represent my country in the Olympic Games as a long-distance runner"

I could talk for hours, explaining why I think Fraser Primary School is one of the finest I have ever seen. Instead, I will resume it to the best reasons of all: I love this school for everything it offers and for the dedicated staff who spend countless hours with our children.
But most of all, I love it for the true community spirit it has always shown. It is a small school therefore we get to know each other and care about each other.
I am proud to say, I have seen this community united by many different circumstances; some more trying than others.

On several occasions, these wonderful people showed humanity at its best while supporting Mr. A. - one of the school’s most loved teachers – and his family.
All of us wished to assist and comfort when his son met with a serious accident while skydiving. 

We felt the anguish of the long months spent in the hospital and we followed closely Elijah’s recovery steps. We beamed with pride when he carried the Queen's Baton through Canberra, ahead of the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games. And we know that it is just a matter of time until he will fulfil his dream of running again.

I asked Elijah to be a sitter in my project because I wanted him to be known for the truly gifted teenager he is, for his vision and for his sheer determination.

- “When I was little, I wanted to be an NRL player for the Manley Sea Eagles. After that, I fell in love with basketball. Then, a lot of years later, I fell in love with running. I was in year 2 when I started to play basketball and I have always liked running. But in year 7 I made it in the ACT cross country team. I was 12 or 13 years old when I had my running streak; I ran for 426 days in a row. Every day, I would run a minimum of one mile (1.6km) and the furthest was about 20Km. Then one day I pulled a hamstring and I had to stop for a while.

I cannot remember what my first favourite book was, we were trying to discuss this in the car, on the way to the interview, but I always loved reading Greek Mythology stories with my family. I love the story of Icarus.
Another thing that I used to love was making up stories with dad while we went on walks.
My favourite book now is Rafael Nadal’s autobiography.

My biggest dream? I have two. I always dreamed that one day, after finishing school, I will open my own vintage sneaker store.
I have a pretty impressive sneaker collection already. My parents help me order them online or buy them in stores. So far, my most prized item is a pair of Jordans. I don’t know if it’s the most valuable, but it’s the one I love most.
My other big dream is to represent my country in the Olympic Games as a long-distance runner".

One of the things I ask my sitters is to define themselves by answering the question “Who are you now”?

- "Right now, I am an almost 17 years old boy on a mission to get back on my feet and run again. I find my motivation in knowing that the situation I am in will not be forever.

In five years’ time, I see myself back on track, fulfilling my dream of running again. The sneaker shop will have to be a bit later, it will take a bit of time to set it up and I don’t see it happening so soon.

If I had 15 minutes of fame, I would like to tell all children and young people in the world that nothing is forever and you always have to keep your head high and look forward to the future.

My first role model was Steve 'the Beaver' Menzies who played his entire career at Manly. Now I have many more role models. They are all very different people and they inspire me for different reasons: First and foremost, it’s Tony, the man who saved my life. Then there are other people I look up to; one of them is Macklemore, who is my favourite rap artist.
Sometimes I do a bit of rapping by myself but I don’t think I would do it in front of an audience. Before my accident I used to play guitar and sing a little bit.

Other role models are a couple of NBA players such as Kobe Briant and Ben Simmons. I always loved playing basketball – that is my other passion".

Is there a special place where Elijah feels at peace, where he feels he is himself?

- "Before the accident, I used to find my peace in running. Nowadays, I feel that I am at peace while looking in a sports shoe store".

I asked Elijah to choose one word to describe himself. He smiled: 

- "Can I use two, please? Big Dreamer, that’s how I would describe myself”.

One of the set questions I ask my sitters while we map out their stories is whether they have any regrets. In Elijah’s case, I thought it was a question I would skip, but on the completion of our interview, he confessed in a very candid way that it was the question he was looking forward to answering:

- "I do have regrets: first of all, I regret deciding to skip Little Athletics that morning and to go watch my cousin sky diving. Second of all, I do regret deciding to sky dive that day".

But Elijah is not one to dwell on regrets; he is motivated to keep going. I asked him how he felt, carrying the Queen's baton.  

- "I felt proud to have been chosen and so amazed by the number of people who came out to support me.
It motivates me to try harder and I hope they get inspired too".

Elijah, pictured with his parents, Robin and José

The Cultural Planner

My innermost dream? Since I had children, it’s all about them. I just want them to have a peaceful and happy life. Before having children, I always wanted to make sure I always had a way of expressing creativity, the opportunity to create.

When I met Susan for the first time, it was a fortuitous encounter. At the time, I was blissfully unaware of her Community and Cultural Planning Manager position at Ginninderry and of how quickly she would become someone whom I love and respect very much. We met at my favourite place in the whole wide world – Strathnairn Arts, while I was sitting the Annual Squares exhibition. I was very taken by her frank way of talking, taking art in and showing her interest in the local arts community. Susan doesn’t do that type of polite conversation, where one finds it well-mannered to simulate interest into everything, however boring it could be. Instead, she gets engaged and her interest is genuine. She makes you feel safe, appreciated and noticed. As an emerging artist with not much to show (at that time), our encounter prompted me to think that maybe there was something in my art after all and that maybe I was ready to take the plunge. When someone believes in you and tells you they like your ideas, your self-confidence goes rocketing; and looking back it’s been quite the year for me, making a start.
We hit it off instantly and we discovered that we had many things in common. Susan is the type of person I can talk about anything with – we had the most amazing conversations with topics ranging from gypsy souls, farming and bees to movie-making, art styles and the need to have an organic connection with nature. 
However, when it comes to making her portrait, I feel that I have failed in recording properly the true essence of Susan's soul. And this is a lesson I had to learn the hard way: sometimes, no matter how hard we try, time constraints and own emotions can come in the way and impact the final results. And so, one image is all I have to show. 


- When I was a child I wanted to be an actress; I loved movies at that age, especially Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet.
I was a mad, crazy reader – I loved the Nutcracker story, I had this beautiful book that had the music and the story and really amazing illustrations of the nutcracker characters.
Nowadays, one of my current favourite movies is Wes Anderson’s Moonrise Kingdom.

- Coming out of high school, I wanted to be an artist. I loved painting. I still do; I haven’t done it for a while, I have been too busy. But I have set myself a goal; I have got some painting equipment here in Canberra. At the end of the day I feel so tired but I am determined to make it.

- I have had a really great episode of being an artist, working and exhibiting. I did a fine arts degree in Victoria, with a major in painting but what happened there was that in my 3rd year I discovered a basement filled with brand new video cameras. I pretty much put the brushes down and swapped them for cameras. No one was using them; they were there to be used by students. I ended up having one constantly because I’d take it back and then say I wanted to book it out for another week, then another week, then another one… and then the Tech said to me “just keep it”.

The best thing Susan ever filmed? 

 - There are a few favourites. The one I am most proud of for its creativity is a music video we made for Jeff Duff, “Walk on the Wildside” We slowed the music down by 4 and then recorded that version. We gave him that recording and got it to him to learn it at that speed. He learned the slow version, so he could mime that slow version while filming. We then played it and he sang while his face was made up by one of Australia’s best makeup artists. Then we played it at normal time so that the face is being made up really, really quickly while the song is now at the normal speed. It worked amazingly but we didn’t know how it would work out until we got back the footage from the lab - that was 35 mm film - and we played it and we just danced around the office – we were so excited that it worked. We did about 4 versions and they all worked out beautifully. 

 One of the first things I ask every sitter is to try and articulate who they are now, in the present time and whether they like it, whether it fits with the original dream.

- Nowadays, I am a planner, after all of those different roles I have had– a painter, a film maker, a farmer, a partner and a mother. One day, these all came together as skills extremely useful in cultural planning. Do I like it? I love it. I love being able to bring a creative world together every day. Seeing the effect it has on people – like earlier today, when walking out on the terrace and seeing the visitors looking at the artwork and enjoying it. It’s a great feeling.

This project (Ginninderry) is the ultimate job. When they contacted me, I was a bit hesitant. Then another member of this team said to me: “listen, for people like us, this is IT. This is what we love; this is the job we have always been dreaming about”.
I consider the whole development as an artwork: the roads, the footpaths, the parks, the houses, the greenspace, the activity – it’s all one big artwork. It’s incredibly exciting and intimidating a bit, to be able to design something that people will live with, generations after generations.

- My innermost dream? Since I had children, it’s all about them. I just want them to have a peaceful and happy life. Before having children, I always wanted to make sure I always had a way of expressing creativity, the opportunity to create.

- A dream I wouldn’t confess? To be a famous actress. Or I would love to be in a rock and roll band. I learned guitar for a while. The one thing I am sorry about is that I never had the time for music or better said, the time to learn an instrument. I listen to music all the time, I made lots of videos but I never had an opportunity to learn how to play an instrument properly. Recently, I have joined the “One Voice” choir - in the beginning it was just to make up the numbers and then I discovered that I really liked it.

What is the one thing that keeps Susan going? And what motivates her?
- Music. Music keeps me going and saves me if I am stressed. The other thing is cooking. And often I combine the two.

My family motivates me. Everything I do has this underlying motivation to make things good for my two daughters.
My motivation is to be a good role model for them and I know that everything I build now, they will eventually benefit from it. My daughters are both into arts as well; one has completed a degree of fine arts and now is doing graphic design and the other one is studying film.

Where does Susan see herself in 5 years’ time? It’s far from being a dry interview question, I find that often my sitters look at it as giving themselves a timeline where they can come back and see how they achieved their dreams.

- I know exactly what I will be doing in 5 years. We will be moving onto a property on the Dorrigo Plateau, which is inland from Coffs Harbour. This is my dream place, a place where family and friends will gather. We are going to make it so beautiful that people will love being there; it’s going to be a place for dreaming. We are still going to run some cattle but these are going to be our wind down years.
We recently found a property that fits the bill. We won’t move there straight away, but probably in 5 years’ time we would have set up it the way we like it, with the gardens and the indoors and outdoors spaces the way we like it Steve (my partner), has been talking about the Dorrigo plateau for a long time.

How is Susan looking at those 15 minutes of fame?
- There is one thing that has been most important to me ever since I had daughters. I tried to be the best role model I can be for them. In saying that, I’ve just tried to really be myself and show that you make mistakes, you cry, you lose your temper but beyond all that, everything you do is based on “do no harm and try to do good”. 
I am sort of famous in their eyes; I know that from their career choices. They are looking at what I have done, thinking they’d like to follow in that.

One of the things I have really instilled in them is that they have a great sense of social justice. Now that they are in their 20s, I can certainly see it. I couldn’t see it when they were teenagers, because that’s just how teenagers are, perhaps a little bit self-absorbed, but now it brings me such joy, seeing they care about people.
For example, my youngest daughter is 24yo and she moved to Melbourne to do a graphic design course. It was very hard because she didn’t know anyone there and she is very shy. She was struggling to find a place to live in a shared house. You have to go to these excruciating interviews with the other persons sharing and it was a nightmare. Because she is not bubbly at all, she is such a shy person and so reserved, she was getting constant rejections. She rang me, while walking and she was crying, asking me why was it that no one picked her and all of the sudden she went “are you all right?” and stopped talking to me. I could hear the conversation; she was asking someone if they needed help and if they lived far.
Finally when she came back to our conversation she told me that she saw a man fall over and she wanted to make sure he was all right.
I loved that. She was in the middle of her own crisis and she was able to put that aside when a total stranger on the street needed help. I heard the tone of her voice – the empathy was instant and that was so rewarding to me, because she didn’t hesitate to offer help - there are so many other women her age who would have just walked past.

I feel like my work is done in some ways. If you can impart to your family and the others that we are all responsible to and for each other, that every single person around us is our responsibility; if you can get that across, I think you have done a fantastic thing for the community.

- My first role model was a lecturer at art school. He taught me a lesson about drawing – a lesson that bled out into everything else I do. I was doing these really tight drawings that weren’t very expressive and he was really brutal with his comments. I cannot remember the exact words but he was spot on that it was stitched up, there was no freedom and there was no heart in it.

I look at artworks now and I can see so quickly and easily whether there is heart in it or not. The way he said it to me, made me get it straight away. “Being able to do something with heart takes nerve, because you are putting your real self out there. You have to let go of that fear and free yourself”. I did and it was really good for my artwork and I think it has influenced everything I do. It taught me to not be contrived and to listen to your instincts and go with them.

- My role models now? I think there are people on the team here at Ginninderra that I really respect and look up to because it is not often that you get to work with a team made up of people who are all outcome driven and so diligent. I really respect the diligence of people in this team. It’s a really satisfying way to work and it is very rare for a whole team to be like that. The level of dedication, commitment and diligence is truly inspiring. I have worked in many places – the film crew probably comes close to this team, but apart from that, I haven’t come across a team that is so well put together.

What is Susan’s biggest regret?

- I have had regrets about leaving the film industry but it’s not really a big regret. I only have to remind myself of the reason, for the regret to dissipate. I met somebody – my partner, who is a farmer. I continued making films for a while but after we had children, I couldn’t be in Sydney or in Melbourne and be able to look after them on the farm. I had to make a choice and I know I made the right choice. But I guess it’s human nature to sometimes wonder about that “what if”. But I wouldn’t be here, then. Living in the rural area introduced me to cultural planning. Film and music are my first love but I still enjoy them without being involved in producing them.

- I feel at peace on the farm. I have lived there for 32 years and I know every tree, every hill; I know the birds and the kangaroos and the plants, the sky, the mountains and everybody who visits there says the same: this place is so tranquil, so peaceful. It has that effect on everybody.

What does Ginninderry means to Susan?

- It’s an extraordinary opportunity to test out a lot of ideas that I’ve developed over a career working in the arts and cultural planning. It means having the opportunity to implement those ideas which were impossible to apply in smaller projects.
I love that here we can develop a culture that recognises artists and craft people and artisans as an essential part of the workforce. One of the strategies is to set up a creative industries hub that would be integrated with other industries. For example, when people are going to buy plumbing supplies – next door there will be someone selling handmade tiles.

During her career, Susan went from being the mastermind behind video clips for famous artists to being the Cultural Planning Manager at Ginninderry. I asked her how this change influenced her.

- It has given me such a lot of confidence in my instinct. I ‘ve always tried to live by my instinct but this job has taught me that not only is it better, it is almost essential to function that way and to listen out for that creative voice, because it is always there. When you have a dilemma, that creative voice is always there and will never let you down. But we can become deaf to that voice and we have to make sure we’re always receiving that. If I was a religious person, I’d probably say it was God. But I am not. So I don’t know where it’s coming from. But I hear that voice coming into my head – things like “what about an artist catalogue?” These things just come to me and it’s easy to ignore them. They come out of the blue and seem to arrive at the right time and you tend to be a bit wary of things that seem to fall into place too easy but you just have to let all of that go and it’s amazing what happens when you do.

What is Susan most proud of?
- I am proud of some of the things I achieved in my career and I am very proud of my daughters.

One of the most rewarding projects in my previous job was to save some beautiful heritage buildings in Goulbourn from being destroyed and to get the funding to restore them. It’s really rewarding to see those building and know that you have been part of the reason why they are still standing.

The Peaceful

"My innermost dream?  Initially, it is to be pain-free.  That would be lovely. And to keep taking photographs and making more glass works"...

 

I have known Tricia for over 9 years now but every single time I visit, I learn something new about her.
Her house is the most peaceful place I have ever seen; yet her life path has known some mighty storms.

She is a very talented artist. When she is not doing glass work or photography, she is attending to her amazing garden.

During one special morning we shared in her garden, she told me about the trying times recovering from cancer and about dealing with personal loss through her art. I have visited her house many times before, yet that was the first time when my eye was drawn to her powerful self- portrait. Naturally, I invited Tricia to wear the hat and join the other dreamers.

- "When I was young, I wanted to be happy.
I don’t remember many stories from that time but I remember our 1^st TV program, “the Lone Ranger”. I loved it – I was 8yo at the time.

Coming out of high school, I wanted to be a teacher. I was passionate about learning.  Back then, my biggest dream was to be loved, and to love back. I come from an unhappy childhood. We were 4 siblings – I had 2 older brothers and a younger sister. We were constantly told by my stepmother that we weren’t loved.  My father died when I was 8. Two years later, my mother married my step father and then 3 years later when I was 13, my mother died as well, and my step father married my mother’s sister. Suddenly, we were orphans and our lovely auntie turned into the stepmother from hell. But in retrospective, she was a 51yo spinster; she was probably going through menopause.

Back then, my sister and I became Wards of the Court. We were packed off to a boarding school  - to a Convent actually; worse than a boarding school. It was a catholic school in just outside Berwick Upon Tweed". 

 

- "Who I am now? It’s very hard to define myself. A loving grandmother, a frustrated photographer and a good friend.  I mostly like who I am. If I were to change a thing, that would be intolerance.  Sometimes I do become intolerant and defensive. I have always been defensive – it’s a somewhat natural part of me.  I guess it goes back to my childhood and to that need of ensuring that no one is going to hurt me. So I’ll keep people at arms’ length.  I’m pretty independent – I wouldn’t say fiercely independent, but I am too independent for my own good. It is very hard for me to ask anyone for help and I want things done immediately".

- "My innermost dream?  Initially, it is to be pain-free.  That would be lovely. And to keep taking photographs and making more glass works. I would love a little studio to continue doing glasswork. I’d love to learn more, to do some kiln work, create more and certainly keep taking my photos".

I always ask my sitters if they have a secret dream, one that they not even confess to their closest friend. Tricia smiles.

- I’d like to find a tall, dark, handsome man – it’s always been a dream. Actually, at this stage he doesn’t need to be handsome. Just kind and funny".

 

- "The one thing that keeps me going is determination. I have proven that I can cope with life. I find motivation in lots of things. It makes me happy that I can see a beautiful plant or a lovely scenery each day. I am always looking for things to make my heart sing and when I see something that moves me so much, I love to capture it in a photograph. It’s mostly the beauty in plants or in isolated scenery, like a beautiful misty morning.  Music also lifts my soul and keeps me going.

- In 5 years’ time? I’d like to understand the computer side better. I would love to share my photography to a wider audience.  I’d like to progress my art. I’d love to make cards, prints and all sorts of artsy bits. If I had my 15 minutes of fame, I would like to sell a photograph. I’d like someone to like my work enough to actually buy it. I just had an exhibition, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and I would like to be involved in some more.

I was so proud of my degree show at the university, in July 2000. The feedback I got was lovely and very encouraging. I studied Contemporary Photographic Practice at Northumbria University in the north east of England, and looking back, I think I would like to produce more art. I would very much like to work in collaboration with other people, too".

- "My brother Pete was my first role model. He was determined, fun and passionate. He followed his dream. He was a film maker and what I liked most about him was his sense of humour. Pete is still my role model. I listen to my brother in my head a lot. I think about his life. He would have never given up. Even when he was dying of cancer, he was still planning things with a passion.  That was almost 18 years ago. But every day I think about him. We share the same birth date – lots of people thought we were twins but I was his birthday present on his first birthday.

- At the moment, my favourite film is “Hunt for the Wilder People”. It was poignant, funny and full of warmth.

 

- My biggest regret is not being a better mother to my eldest daughter.  I wasn’t a great mother to her, I was very young and didn’t have a clue but all I knew is that I loved her. I still do.I think that is why I am a really good grandmother now.

If I could go back in time and change something, I would lose my anxieties and I would try hard to be kinder and more loving.
And if I could, there is one big thing I would change. I would look in a very different way at feelings and at the grief process.  When Mum died, she died on a Wednesday and we were told on Thursday. Mum was buried on Friday. We were then taken back to school on Monday, like it never happened. She was never spoken about anymore. Never. She was only 46yo; that was the cruellest blow in our family. If I could go back in time, I would have asked for help; back in those days there was no counselling, no one knew much or talked about these sorts of things, the way we do now.  This is why I don’t talk about feelings; I think that this is where a lot of my insecurities are coming from. If you don’t have a solid anchor when you are a child, I think you flounder a lot. It doesn’t matter how old you are; you are still that little child crying quietly for their mother.

 

- I feel at peace in my garden. It’s tranquil, peaceful and beautiful. The other place I love is the ocean. I love watching and listening to the ocean. I love walking on the beach. (I am a rubbish swimmer, though!)

 

- When I look back, 2000 was my most trying year. I graduated from University in July. In August I was diagnosed with the need of an urgent hip replacement ,which didn’t take place till April 2001, because in September I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I got through using my art. I photographed my journey all the way through, having my chemo and radiotherapy. That culminated in a self-portrait – a powerful and confronting self-portrait. Even the shaving of my head – I documented it all, the hair I found on my pillow, or gathering in the shower plug hole... I rang my friend Tony and he came over and shaved my head. I put on these very glamorous diamante earrings and got my head shaved. I should have probably asked him for a Number 3, not for a full shave, in hindsight. But I did it and to date, this self-portrait, although confronting, is also a great reminder of the adversities I endured, and I am still here !!

The Optimist

"My biggest dream is to get off the pension and start living a life; instead of watching it, I’d like to be a part of it".

 

#ahatofmanydreams is slowly gathering a good collection of stories. They are the stories of the people living next doors, people who lead remarkable lives but we wouldn't know about them unless we stop and listen.
It is not unusual that during the interviews, my sitters have an "aha" moment, they relive a memory or have a sudden revelation. I have seen people in the brink of tears, when some of the memories were too painful.
However, this is the story marking the most defining moment in my project’s journey. Because this time it was me, left in tears.
This is the story to remind us all about the beauty of humankind. And about gratitude. It is a timely reminder about how we tend to take things for granted and we forget how easy it is to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.

It is the story of an amazing person who went from being homeless to becoming a talented self-taught photographer.
Peter’s photography has taken my eye for quite a while, even if I didn’t know him personally. His Instagram account currently has over 1300 followers; a number he built diligently in a very short time; as he perfected his skills. What won me over was not only the amazing detail in all his photographs, but the lovely, optimistic tone of his stories – even when things went pear-shaped.
I met and photographed Peter during a Floriade Insta-meet organised by Visit Canberra last year. But for a couple of reasons, we didn’t get to sit down and talk until now.

Working on this project is the greatest and most humbling experience. Sometimes I find it extremely hard, when meeting a person the first time, to make sure that I managed to capture their true essence. However, in Peter’s case, I think this is one of the greatest stories to date. Because it holds some truths we all need to accept and know. 

- When I was 4 years old, I wanted nothing more than to be a Pilot. My father used to fly full scale gliders before I was born and was also an avid Radio Control Aero modeller. We used to go out to a registered flying field each Sunday to fly some of my father's model Planes. By age 5,I was the youngest registered model-flyer. I was determined that one day, I would be a pilot and I almost achieved my dream of having my own private pilot licence. Unfortunately, an unexpected heart attack at age 20 put an end to that. It took me a long time to recover and I could no longer pass the medical.
 
- My first favourite story would have to be 'The Watchers' by Dean Koontz. My mother introduced me to that book and I have actually read it many, many times. It is a story about a Labrador that escaped from an experimental science laboratory, where it had been genetically altered to be able to communicate with and understand humans.
The Labrador (called Einstein) was found by a guy who was at the end of his tether and was considering ending his life, when they met in the desert.
He immediately realised that there was a lot more to this dog than meets the eye and decided to stick around to see why this dog was so special. He took him home and his life from that moment on was never the same. The dog was not the only escapee from the Laboratory. Another animal escaped that was just pure evil. It was designed to be nothing more than a killing machine...and it was hunting the dog.
I won't spoil the storyline as it is a great read. Everyone I have lent the book to in the last 20 years has loved every second of it and expressed the same thoughts as I had. They never wanted the story to end.

- When I was leaving High School, I wanted to be an Engineer. I got an Apprenticeship in a Coal Mine and spent the next few years buried in a substantial amount of study, but unfortunately, was not able to complete my qualifications and left the job with only 6 months of study left and 1 more year of 'On the Job Training'. I had a nervous breakdown. I was bullied relentlessly at school and at home. I couldn’t do it anymore.
I was working 2 jobs. I had my car stolen and I owed 30 odd thousands - the insurance company never paid out. I was living with my parents at the time and I couldn’t do it anymore, it became impossible. So I moved out and then I lost my job.
I was living in a caravan and I wasn’t eligible for any unemployment benefits. I never have been taught how to look after myself. I have been thought how to iron, how to vacuum, but I was never thought how to pay a bill. Especially when you never had the money to pay that bill. How do you pay a bill when you don’t have the money?
So I tried and failed very badly. I lived in the middle of Blue Mountains and I wanted to get away, as far as possible. I felt that Sydney was the best chance to get back on my feet but it never worked out that way. I went there and then I lost all my IDs.

Shortly after that, I was homeless and spent almost 3 years living on the streets and sleeping on trains. While I was on the street, (very shortly after) the laws changed on identification and I never had enough IDs to gain new IDs. I couldn’t apply for Centrelink because I didn’t have enough IDs; the System kept rejecting me – I’d reapply every 2 weeks and the system would reject me every time just before paying me.
I survived. I used to approach restaurants – Chinese restaurants in particular, because they were very generous people – and I would offer to clean their kitchen in exchange for a little bit of food. That is really how I survived throughout all that time – through the generosity of these businesses in Sydney. Nothing in life comes for free. I felt that if I was going to beg for food, it was only fair that I would offer something in exchange.

I have had some of the highest training in Australia, as an engineer; it was only 26 people that had qualifications as high as mine. I don’t think I could benefit now from any recognition of prior study – I’d probably be a liability now for them as an engineer. 

I asked Peter if he would consider drafting or technical design jobs.

- I love being constructive, I loved metal and wood works. I would need a bit of refresher, if I was going to be a drafter, but I can design anything: bridges, buildings…I absolutely loved engineering. As a joke, I call it I was “train-washed” – part trained, part brain-washed, to be an engineer. I would never ever forget it; it has been ingrained in my memory. My father was a mechanic. My grandfather was a very successful builder; he built half the town we lived in.

My biggest challenge in holding any job at the moment is my knee – it gets so unpredictable and some days I can hardly get out of bed. Not having a car also makes it difficult to be reliable in a 9 to 5 job. That is why photography would work out beautifully. I can do my own hours.

Back in the times when I was working, I was being paid quite a lot of money that I was going to use to pay for flying lessons. My biggest dream was to become a pilot. The will to be one has always been there; I think I was born a Pilot as I have always been able to fly both Full Scale and Model Aeroplanes proficiently.

The reason I am here today is really the generosity of a friend and his parents. I would always be in debt to them. The ironic thing about Centrelink is that you need to have a registered address for them to pay you. And you need to be paid, in order to get that address in the first place.
After 2 and a half years on the street, I had a friend and his parents said – “look, this is no good, we had no idea. He could come and live with us”. At the time, you needed to be at an address for a minimum of 6 months in order to get onto Centerlink. So I got to stay with them for 6 months, in Melbourne. Then I got to live back into a house and about 3-4 months later I had a heart attack. That certainly backfired a bit. 

If there was a piece of advice Peter could give another fellow human in distress or on the streets, what would that be?

 - It’s a hard one. Never give up, I’d say. There is always someone who cares.
It is so much easier now to end up on the street – people won’t believe that it can happen at any moment in your life; you could be only couple of weeks from living on the street. The patterns will start as soon as you start missing your first bills; before you can miss too many, it will happen. People start to come and take all your possessions and in the end when you have no possessions left, they will take you to court for money you will never have. It doesn’t stop until you pay your debt and if you don’t have money, it never stops. It’s 7 years before any debt is written off. If it wasn’t for my friends, I’d be on the street for 7 more years. And I still worry to this day that I would be chased up for some bill that I might owe all those years ago. There seems to be this misconception that to be on the street, you did something wrong, you are a bad person. But as I said, there is always someone who cares. Not in the Government departments or any organisations, but you will always find someone who will make the difference in your life – almost always you will find that right person on the street.

It’s an awful cycle: being homeless you smell, you can’t wash or brush your teeth for a long time, nobody wants to come near you. It’s almost a common belief that you did that to yourself, you put yourself on the street and if you are still there, it’s because you don’t want to move up. People don’t want to help you; or people don’t feel that they can help enough so they don’t do anything.

 Keep working at getting yourself out of the streets and please, go to the restaurants late at night and ask for spare food in exchange for work. That is really the only thing I can advise – do not give up. I met people living on the streets for 15 years. It’s such a hard situation because if you go to a shelter, they can only take you in for 3 weeks but then you can’t go back for 3 months otherwise nobody gets in, so they have to cycle you through. And it’s a very demoralising situation in life.

 What about the people who do want to help? What can they do to help ease the homelessness situation?

- Don’t give them money. Give them an opportunity. The only time you give them money, make them work for it because working for the money you earn, gives you a sense of good self-worth. Without that sense of self-worth you will stay on the street forever, because you are just a ghost. Nobody wants to look at you – they’ll look straight through you; there is no department that would recognise you. 

Who are you now?

- Now...I would call myself a Disability Pensioner. Not exactly the path I chose for life. But you can only make the best of what you have got. I was walking home late one night when I was 21 and was set upon by 3 guys who robbed me and beat me quite severely.

During this, my left knee was smashed beyond repair and as a result of the damage, I have lost over 20% mobility in that leg. About 20 years ago, I have had 2 surgeries on it, in order to stabilize the knee joint so that I could walk. Realistically, it needs a total joint replacement to make it any better so technically, I still have a broken knee.
Unfortunately, due to my height (6 foot 2 inches), the success rate for total knee replacement was extremely low. The artificial knee joints only lasted about 8-13 years before it would need to be replaced. This made the fact I am so tall and skinny, even worse. Generally (at that time) replacement knee joints in people my height, age and weight had a very low success rate. Often, the bone that holds the joint in place would fail before it wore out, which would leave me unable to get another knee joint put in. The only thing to do then, is to put in a straight bar with no knee joint (walk permanently stiff legged), or have it amputated as the only other choice.
My surgeon recommended I wait until I am in my mid to late 40's to get the replacement surgery done because the success rate was far higher at that point in life, because of a slowdown in personal activities and lifestyle.

I absolutely HATE being a Pensioner. I have tried my hand at countless jobs since my knee was damaged, to try to get off the Pension and back to being a contributing member of Society. It’s hard to get out and about - without realising they do it, many people look at me like I am a fraud and a dole bludger because - upon immediate impression - nothing seems to be wrong with me and I should be working.I can't blame people for thinking that way because everyone has to work mighty hard for every dollar they get these days; and to see someone just taking handfuls of cash for doing nothing – that’s bound to annoy anyone.
In this life, nothing is free. It always ends up costing somebody down the line. I too would rather be working than handed a small amount of money each fortnight for nothing.

On my income, you just get to watch everyone else enjoy life and be successful, while I had to spend 2 years saving to buy a cheap TV because my old one died 2 years ago. You never eat at a restaurant without tightening your belt for the other 41 meals that fortnight.
No matter what you want to do, you always have to settle for what you can afford, instead of having something nice to be proud of, like many workers do.

I don’t think being on a pension truly defines a person or their dream. So I asked Peter whether he could see other dimensions of himself. Even if it’s simple affirmations like “I like to fly” or “I love photography”. 

- I don’t know who I am. I am me. I take each day as it comes – I am extremely grateful for each day. 

Many times I have been asked to take photos of people and I always got comments like “Jeez, you take nice pics!” even if I was using their camera, their settings. My parents used to have lots of books about Australian Photography, mainly landscape and wild life and I always admired the genius behind those photos. I used to dream about being able to do the same. I never knew who it was until a few years ago I met Steve Parish and it clicked – good God, that’s the guy from the books, the guy who takes those amazing photos. I recognised him from the pictures.

The rare opportunity finally came up – I have overpaid my electricity bill for a few years and they reimbursed the money. Over the last 3 years, I have bought some extremely expensive camera equipment in an effort to get off the Pension. But to do that, I had to make the items I currently own, last as long as I could.
That being said, over the last 2 years, I have watched many electrical items around my home, expire without the money to replace them. I'm now down to a fridge, a washing machine and a PC. And all 3 of them are on their last legs as well.
A disability pension is not a great place to be.

- My innermost dream is actually quite a simple one these days:
Be Happy
Be Helpful
Be kind
Be thoughtful.
And of course, to win Lotto. It doesn't have to be a million dollars. To me $50,000 is the same thing. I could do so much with that amount of money, that I swear I could earn the other $950,000 myself. And if not, I'm sure I would have a lot of fun trying.

-I would have to say that my biggest dream is to get off the pension and start living a life; instead of watching it, I’d like to be a part of it. It’s a very simple dream but after 20 years, I had enough. I would like to move forward in life. That’s my biggest goal. I always believed that if you work hard enough, it would get you there. If you have no talent, no skill, it would be apparent pretty soon and you would need to chance course. But if it starts getting you somewhere, then go hard at it.

I really don't think I have any close-guarded dreams. I'm a pretty open person and I am often not shy to hold back. Other than my lifelong dream of flying, like Peter Pan, most of the achievable dreams I have are pretty much out in the open. I work towards them every day. I may never get there, but I would much rather try my best and fail, than spend the rest of my life dreaming about something and never make a move to get there.
Like my photography. I have dreamed of being a photographer for a long time but never made an attempt because of the huge investment needed and no guarantee of success. Many years I walked away from places, frustrated because I could not capture a photograph to show my friends and family.
But, 2 years ago, I finally bit the bullet and bought a Professional Camera and equipment. Since that day, my life has never been the same. It has been a wonderful journey with so many rewards along the way and I have met some wonderful people who have made this journey much more enjoyable than I could ever have expected.
In many ways, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, so anything on top of that, is just magic.

What is the one thing that keeps Peter going?

- Coffee, Lots of it. Apart from that, life itself. As I get older, I appreciate the smaller things in life and often think about my parents, who worked their knuckles to the bone so they could retire happy and travel the world. But before they reached the age of retiring, they realised they are not going to be as healthy as they hoped and would not be able to do much of the travelling they had hoped to do. In effect, they regretted not traveling with my sister and me when we were younger.

I have never wanted to get in a position where I regretted not doing something when I could have. It would be so disappointing to retire and be wealthy enough to follow your dreams, but not physically able to do many of the activities you had hoped for.
Unfortunately, I have lived like that for 20+ years and it’s a lot like the movie 'Groundhog Day' with Bill Murray. I want more out of life, than getting up each day, turning on the TV and turning off my brain for the day. So, I do whatever I can to learn a new skill or experience something new. I believe this is the key to a long healthy life and an active mind.

What motivates Peter?

- The thought of one day, being able to throw out my Pension Card, because it no longer applies to me. I certainly hope I do get to see that day.

I always like to ask my sitters a question that gives them a timeline: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time”?

- Assuming I am still able to afford camera gear, I would love to be a paid nature photographer. It's a lot of hard work and effort, but that's the way I like it. I am constantly challenged by new scenes and experiences which help me to grow both personally and professionally every day. To me, that is all I would love from life. Travel, work and have an income I can be proud to earn.

How would Peter use those 15 minute of fame?
- I would use my '15 minutes of Fame' to encourage people to follow their dreams. I feel like I was born a Pilot. Instead, I have been a cook, and an engineer, a radio DJ, a car washer, a fruit picker and many, many more. Yet in my heart, I had nowhere near the success or enjoyment as I would have had being a Pilot.
I think we have too many Plumbers who want to be a Doctor, but couldn't afford the costs of training. We have too many shop assistants, who would make great teachers, mechanics and trusted professionals, but they are a shop assistant because that was the only job they felt they could get. Too many people settle for a 9-5 job that does nothing to satisfy their desires, nor compliment their natural skills.
Hardly anyone these days is passionate about the job that they do. And the ones that are passionate, are very successful and happy. I think we need more people to be passionate about the job they are doing to make the world a different place.
Great discoveries have been made in the past because people sank their teeth into their job and did not give up, even when all odds were against them. But these days, we take any job we can get so we don't end up penniless and living on the street, and we just watch our dreams and ambitions drift and fade into the distance.
If that job no longer meets their needs, they move onto another job that does the same thing.

- My first role model would be my Grandfather. He instilled many of the beliefs I have today, just by watching the way he lived. He refused to get older and just never stopped; he was always working on something. He lived until he was 89. At 86, he suffered 2 massive stokes, a heart attack, and septicaemia...and still did not give up, even though he was paralysed. Though his body was failing, his mind was sharp as a tack. He ate nothing but healthy food, did not smoke and never once sipped alcohol. I think these are key ingredients to living a long healthy life.

He was the first man to ever walk unassisted across Australia and back taking 2.5 years, during the Great Depression, and he never once believed that he couldn't do it. Even though, it was thought to be impossible at the time by all medical standards, and is still regarded as almost impossible to this day.
You have to admire anyone with that much courage and commitment. He did it because his doctor bet him 20 pounds he could not do it. That was on a Wednesday; he left 3 days later and didn’t return for 2.5 years.
But when he did, he claimed his 20 pounds and proudly showed his doctor he was wrong.
He is still my hero. He was an amazing man who took on life like he was 10 feet tall, instead of his actual physical size of 4 feet high.

What does Peter like to read?

- Over the last couple of years, I haven't had much time to sit and read anything other than Photography books and magazines (I'm a bit O.C.D in that respect). And I really don't watch a lot of movies as I find they have very little substance and very low morals.
In many cases, they are really just a Get Rich Quick Scheme for the Producers and entertainment for people who don't like to think much.

However, I love Documentaries about anything. If I can't travel the world and learn about these things for myself, I would rather sit and watch a good documentary about it any day. David Attenborough has always been King of the Documentaries in my life and I have to admire his amazing career. The world has learnt so much from this amazing man, that without him, we would still be wondering what the rest of the world looks like.

- My biggest regret is becoming estranged from my family. It was mutual, but still not an easy thing to live with, even after 20+ years.

Is there a place where Peter feels at peace?

- I'm not sure I feel at peace anywhere. Up until I am able to check a few things off the old bucket list and form some sort of career for myself, I don't think I will ever be at peace. I'm quite a socially awkward person which is probably why I hide behind a camera these days. It’s a separation device that allows me to drop my guard and just enjoy the moment. This, in turn, has allowed me to meet many people and have a great time.

But, I can say openly that I am most happy when I am busy and constructive. I can't stand sitting and doing nothing. I have had many years of that and sitting at home all day is not at all what people think it is like. Honestly, it's enough to drive you out of your mind.
I have to stay busy and work hard to be happy. Maybe that is what peace is: just being happy and content with where life has taken you. I'm not sure. But I certainly hope to feel at peace one day. Certainly before I rest in peace.

Perhaps - to some - my story will sound dark. But in truth, my past has been exceptionally dark and withdrawn, and as strange as that sounds, it really only started to improve after I had my knee crushed.
It gave me the determination to get life moving. Before then, I still didn't have a clear path or structure to my life. I was in trouble with the law, hanging out with really bad people and being massively in debt. I never believed I would amount to anything better than that.
After my knee was crushed, I realised that I could end up spending my life crippled and unable to do any of the things I still dreamed of. I made a plan to get out of my hometown before it killed me and start creating a life I could be happy with, before it was all taken from me by an aging body.
I moved to Canberra and my life has improved in leaps and bounds ever since because I work on it every day.
When I think back to where I have come from, I find it very hard to believe that is my story. Many times while re-telling certain parts of my life, I stop and think "Did that really happen to me?" My life is so much better now, that my past seems like a nightmare I had once, but no longer suffer from it.

As we parted, I couldn’t help but wonder whether the next chapter in Peter’s life should be a new approach, offering photo-walks and macro “how-to” courses.