Old and New Work

"A Hat of Many Dreams" exhibition has closed last month but the project will keep on going. Please contact me if you are interested in being a sitter.
I have received so many great comments and the positive feedback was extremely rewarding. I have even received inquiries about the possibility of turning it into a book. This has been on my list, as a second step after the exhibition and I am currently looking at ways of making it happen. For everyone living interstate or abroad, and of course, for everyone wanting to see the portraits again, I have put together a little video. Keep checking on the blog, as I will be adding more stories shortly. Thank you for your continuous support. 

The Sophist

“My innermost dream is to be secure enough financially to do what I like doing and to be able to do more and give back to my community. I want to learn more about humanity and its limitations […] I’d like to be able to be in a role where I can mentor young women, teach them basic skills but more importantly resilience”.

It’s been almost 3 years from when I wrote the first story for these series of interviews. I have learned so much and I have met many people that I now look up to. Some of them have become great mentors. Others are now my extended family. Most importantly, I call all of them my cherished friends.

One of the hardest things is to find the right way to genuinely connect to people; especially when I haven’t met them beforehand and I don’t know much about them. It’s easy to say (inadvertently) the wrong things or to hit a false note before you even get the dialogue going. Therefore, it’s even more rewarding when that dialogue happens and people open their heart and share their story. 

I have only met Hoa on the day of our interview. I knew right then that she is an extraordinary woman and I will always carry with me this image of a little girl finding her cowboy boots as the image of comfort and happiness in her new country. To me, it’s an image reinforcing humanity at its best.

Recently, a friend commented on the importance of recording these stories of our time and on their documentary value. I didn’t fully realise how right he was, but it made me think. In light of recent global events, where refugees fleeing conflict zones are met with doubt and disdain, where young children get separated from their parents and made to stand in tribunals, with no legal representation, it becomes more important than ever to record these stories and learn. If we don’t take the time to listen, we might never understand how a child’s path is influenced by the chance given to them at the right time.

- When I was 10 or 11 years old, I wanted to be an architect. It was an idea that came from a Chinese TV series that I loved watching. There was a strong female character in it – she was an architect - and her character shaped my thinking about what I could be, although at the time I didn’t really know what an architect was. Throughout my life, I have always looked for the resemblance of that woman – for good role models, resilient, strong women who are able to be in a work environment where they would not have to try so hard to point out their eminence and aren’t seen like the underdog.

After becoming an architect, I realised that what I really wanted to be, was a Design Manager. I was part of the team working on Canberra Centre’s First Extension. We were in a meeting with the Project Director and all the consultants. At the time, architecture had been sidelined more and more and to our own discredit, the industry hasn’t kept up with knowing how to build on time and on budget. I realised in that meeting that they were cutting some of the design elements out and I remember sitting there thinking: I need to get into that chair, or as close as I can get to that chair, in order to have some control over the design.
After that, I left architecture and I went to work in project management for a while. I worked at the National Library doing contract administration, then I worked with Defence Housing, building houses around the countries and learning how to be a Project Manager. My true moment came when I was approached to be the design manager for Crace. I worked on Crace for eight years and then a couple of years ago, I was approached by the Ginninderry team and asked to work on their new project.

It is a challenging job, being the Design Manager. It requires a lot of thinking, putting good design back into a project, achieving results without going over the top and trying to find the balance between doing a great job while keeping within the budget. Everyone can build things, but are they sustainable? These days I am interested in the development as a whole project, not just the design element – that is only one part of it. 

- I don’t remember having a favourite story as a child, but when I was about 8 years old, my father was in the South Vietnamese Army, helping the Americans before they withdrew from Vietnam. He got a projector from them and we had all these movie nights, with all of our families and friends. Some of them were just documentaries, bits and pieces giving us a glimpse into a life style we didn’t know. They appealed to me. The Americans were about to withdraw from Vietnam; there was a lot going on and everyone was talking about starting a new life in America, having in mind the Western lifestyle. There is one thing that stayed with me because it shaped my life. In one of the documentaries, we saw this family, going about their life. The children slept in bunk beds, they had big soft toys and they were sitting in front of the fire. They were all wearing cowboy boots. It’s an image I carried with me and in fact, after we arrived to Australia, we were given Red Cross vouchers to get clothes from their stores. The first thing I bought for myself was a pair of cowboy boots. They were my favourite shoes ever and I remember thinking how close I was to that freedom, to the dream I saw reflected from that documentary. I felt so close to that family and that moment. I go back to it over and over again, realising how much it has shaped my life, how much I wanted to be part of the Western culture, getting all those things that we didn’t have in Vietnam.
I think I associated the Western culture with the sentimentality of comfort and family; it’s amazing how that has driven me. I wanted that stability I saw in the documentary. I was only 10 years old when we arrived in Australia and it was a new experience to finally have stability in our life. We had been living in a country that was constantly at war, changing money every month due to inflation. We couldn’t go to school, there was a lot of uncertainty. People started to disappear, after the Americans left. My father was sent to labour camp and we didn’t know where he was. My grandfather had to bribe officials to bring him back. In the end, we got on a boat and left for Malaysia. Back then, there really wasn’t a people smuggling operation. You had to find someone with a boat, willing to take passengers and then you would pay for your passage. They were also seeking refuge as well. The boat we embarked on, was the 3rd boat we attempted to leave Vietnam, and we finally made it to Malaysia. Being a Chinese family in Vietnam wasn’t easy. My grandfather was a wealthy businessman and we were targeted as the Capitalists. My father was sent to “re-education” in labour camp. In the end we had to leave to escape persecution.

- Did you find it hard to adjust to your new life style, transitioning to a new culture?

- No, I don’t think I was home sick. The uncertainty we experienced in Vietnam meant there wasn’t much we wanted to cling onto. When you go to a new place under the conditions we experienced, you just go with the flow. After we arrived, life settled pretty easily. We would go to school then to Sunday church group. The Australian families welcomed us and it brought back that community feeling. They would offer us lamingtons and scones for afternoon tea after church. We were housed in a hostel and we were offered an English program for adults and school for the children. We were very well looked after, in terms of shelter and basic needs. I didn’t know English well at that time but one learns very fast. I don’t know the exact moment when I started thinking in English. I remember this moment of realisation one night: “God, I am thinking in English, when did that happen?” I was 13 or 14 years old, I think. I can’t think Cantonese now; I find it fascinating, how this transition happens, when you speak two languages. My siblings and I speak English to each other. My parents speak both Cantonese and English and we use both languages to communicate.

Coming out of high school, I chose Architecture. I worked hard in school and after I finished the HSC, I had enough points to study medicine – it’s every Asian parent’s dream, that their child will study medicine or dentistry. I didn’t want that. I chose architecture, it was what interested me ever since I was a little girl. I wasn’t sure what it was going to be like, but I do like the science behind the art form. 

It’s something I have always been conscious about; I appreciate art to a certain extent. I take photographs, I put them on Instagram and I don’t put any comments. All my photos are just images of a celebration of life. I go around, take plenty of photos of everything and celebrate life in all forms. They are not a work of art, in terms of photography, but they reflect me. It’s me, seeing the joy in life. I like art that does tell a story and touches you even through the most ordinary things. In fact, the more ordinary it is, the more poetic. I find it very nourishing for the soul.

- Who am I now? I would like to think that I am a lot wiser and more comfortable in my skin and a lot happier. The biggest thing for me right now is the ability to understand the human condition and its limitations. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce; it felt like the rug was pulled from underneath me and I didn’t know how I was going to survive. I had to wrap up that part of life and pull myself out of the mess – It’s been a great journey actually. I understand now what it means to be fulfilled and I am actually grateful that things worked out that way. I wouldn’t be where I am today and I wouldn’t be who I am, without that experience. I have finally come to understand that there were parts of me I didn’t like and I could work on, to become a better person. I look at my mirror, trying to pull apart what is intrinsically me and what has been nurtured? what was the environment pressure? All those things were going through my head: which bit is essentially me and which is not? I got to know and understand myself better. You feel so free, once you get to that point. There has been a lot of internal reflection over these last few years. I have always been one of these self-help readers, trying to read any self-help book that came my way. I think this has been part of my path to contentment. I would not describe myself as religious, but spiritual. There is this particular Buddhist monk in Western Australia; I love listening to his sermons because he brings me a lot of comfort. He is very practical and that resonates with me.

There is a constant struggle in me, a debate between art and pragmatism. I appreciate art but sometimes there is the dilemma when facing a choice between art and practical things. For instance, where does one draw the line; how do you choose whether to fund hospitals or to fund the arts? It’s a hard choice; it’s not a question that is easy to answer. I struggle with that personally, because I think that both are important and because one cannot exist without art in their life.

I like where I am now in my life. I feel secure and I am able to show my vulnerability.

- Sounds a bit materialistic, but my innermost dream is to be secure enough financially to do what I like doing and to be able to do more and give back to my community. I want to learn more about humanity and its limitations.
Growing up in a Chinese family, like millions of Chinese girls and boys, I had to be more than perfect – expectations are unbelievably tough. I think that approach, where you cannot show your vulnerability is not very good for any child. I'd like to be able to be in a role where I can mentor young women, teach them basic skills but more importantly resilience.

I feel that I have been so isolated, in the way I grew up. The expectations are high and you don’t have the freedom to be who you are, except the person you have been moulded into. I hope I will have the ability to define myself. One thing I am very proud of, is that I am not a tiger mom. I let my son choose what he wants in life. I say to him all the time that all I want for him is to live his life and not be restricted.

I think that by the time people turned 50, they should live the life they love, not the life that is expected; I think they have earned it - there are too many people that feel like they haven’t earned it and still asked for permission to live their lives.

What keeps Hoa motivated? 

- Determination and drive are what keeps me going. But I have to admit, you do need to score wins sometimes, that adds a lot to a person’s confidence. Each little success builds on the little wins, then there is a next one, and then the next one… and then it helps to shape your confidence. But if one is not given the opportunities, one can feel dejected and pretty beaten up.
I believe that determination is intrinsic to my character and not nurtured. Lots of girls get brain-washed to be compliant and accept their limitations but it comes down to the strength of character. Something I do love about myself is that I am determined. I got burned out so many times in my career because I didn’t know how to deal with stress, or ask for help or learn how to say no. I learned it the hard way, but I came out better and more resilient - that cannot be a bad thing and it’s something to celebrate. This is something I didn’t make time to do before but now, I celebrate everything. Life is a celebration.

I will turn 50 next year and without sounding pessimistic, if I am lucky I ‘ll live to 100 but really, the next 20 years are going to be the best years of my life. Reading about people dying when they are 49 years old, 50 years old or 52 years old gets me worried because I ask myself the question: did they get to do what they wanted to do in life? I get worried about not doing what I want to, therefore I make sure there are plenty opportunities to follow my dreams and that I am using the time to rebuild my dreams.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I tell you what, it takes a village to support a woman going through divorce too. I was so lucky to have the support of so many friends and family. There is no way I could have done all this on my own.

- I hope in five years’ time I will still be here at Ginninderry, doing more and in a bigger role. I want to be able to work with an even more diverse work team and learn to relate to people better. I want to do more of everything. We are all still learning till the day we die. And the more we learn, the more we discover what we don’t know. And one thing I come to realise is that you never learn diversity from the same group of people.

 

- If I had those 15 minutes of fame, I would love to be a good role model for younger women: I would tell them “take your time, don’t rush and make time to enjoy things more. Life is a marathon, not a sprint – so make sure you have enough reserve to run the whole marathon’. That’s what I didn’t do when I was younger; I was trying too hard to do it all. I never wanted to be a strong advocate for anything but I realised that once you are privileged enough to be in that position, it becomes a responsibility. I want to be the one to assist women in need of help.

- I was very fortunate that throughout my career, I had many good role models.
I am also my own role model because often if I don’t do something well, I go back and look at the ways I could do it better. And I take time to reflect on things, or congratulate myself on a job well done. I allow myself to enjoy the success because I have worked hard to get there.

- My favourite author is Ian McEwan - I really loved “The Children Act”. It’s about a judge – she has to determine whether a little boy can or cannot have a blood transfusion. The parents are Jehovah’s Witnesses and they wouldn’t allow it but the hospital takes them to court, in a bid to save the boy’s life. Obviously, she will determine that the boy should have the transfusion and it’s a decision that saves his life but this brought on other issues of ethics and morality. I like McEwan’s books because of this theme he explores in his works; life’s dilemmas and morality. At what point do some seemingly simple things that happen shape you into who you are? Like “Atonement” for instance. A little girl innocently lied and her lying affected and had a huge impact on everyone’s lives. On one level, it’s very fatalistic, but on the other hand, it shows how much our actions can affect the course of life; our lives and other people’s lives.

- My biggest regret is not understanding earlier what was happening with my life, and my marriage. When my husband left, I didn’t see it coming and for years, I beat myself up for not being able to see it, for not having the emotional intelligence to understand it. But I didn’t know how I could have done better.

- I feel most peaceful in solitude. When I bought my little unit, I changed the garden and shaped it into something I enjoy. I love gardening; it gives me peace and the solitude I need. I like reflecting and I spend a lot of time alone.

- If I had to define myself in one word, that would be “Complex” but we are all complex beings. I could be really strong and yet some days I feel helpless. I am trying to give myself permission to be human; I think showing my vulnerability is one of the important things that are part of the process. Another word that would describe me is “Glamorous”. I love beauty and beautiful things.

A question I like to ask my sitters is whether they are motivated best by Success or by Failure. I was really keen to hear Hoa’s thoughts.

- I would say Success. Failure teaches me to survive and from there, to try not to do again the things that lead me to fail. But I think I thrive on success. Every little success builds another one and another one and I find it easier to achieve things.

The Runner

My biggest dream? I have two. I always dreamed that one day, after finishing school, I will open my own vintage sneaker store. I have a pretty impressive sneaker collection already. My parents help me order them online or buy them in stores. So far, my most prized item is a pair of Jordans. I don’t know if it’s the most valuable, but it’s the one I love most. My other big dream is to represent my country in the Olympic Games as a long-distance runner"

I could talk for hours, explaining why I think Fraser Primary School is one of the finest I have ever seen. Instead, I will resume it to the best reasons of all: I love this school for everything it offers and for the dedicated staff who spend countless hours with our children.
But most of all, I love it for the true community spirit it has always shown. It is a small school therefore we get to know each other and care about each other.
I am proud to say, I have seen this community united by many different circumstances; some more trying than others.

On several occasions, these wonderful people showed humanity at its best while supporting Mr. A. - one of the school’s most loved teachers – and his family.
All of us wished to assist and comfort when his son met with a serious accident while skydiving. 

We felt the anguish of the long months spent in the hospital and we followed closely Elijah’s recovery steps. We beamed with pride when he carried the Queen's Baton through Canberra, ahead of the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games. And we know that it is just a matter of time until he will fulfil his dream of running again.

I asked Elijah to be a sitter in my project because I wanted him to be known for the truly gifted teenager he is, for his vision and for his sheer determination.

- “When I was little, I wanted to be an NRL player for the Manley Sea Eagles. After that, I fell in love with basketball. Then, a lot of years later, I fell in love with running. I was in year 2 when I started to play basketball and I have always liked running. But in year 7 I made it in the ACT cross country team. I was 12 or 13 years old when I had my running streak; I ran for 426 days in a row. Every day, I would run a minimum of one mile (1.6km) and the furthest was about 20Km. Then one day I pulled a hamstring and I had to stop for a while.

I cannot remember what my first favourite book was, we were trying to discuss this in the car, on the way to the interview, but I always loved reading Greek Mythology stories with my family. I love the story of Icarus.
Another thing that I used to love was making up stories with dad while we went on walks.
My favourite book now is Rafael Nadal’s autobiography.

My biggest dream? I have two. I always dreamed that one day, after finishing school, I will open my own vintage sneaker store.
I have a pretty impressive sneaker collection already. My parents help me order them online or buy them in stores. So far, my most prized item is a pair of Jordans. I don’t know if it’s the most valuable, but it’s the one I love most.
My other big dream is to represent my country in the Olympic Games as a long-distance runner".

One of the things I ask my sitters is to define themselves by answering the question “Who are you now”?

- "Right now, I am an almost 17 years old boy on a mission to get back on my feet and run again. I find my motivation in knowing that the situation I am in will not be forever.

In five years’ time, I see myself back on track, fulfilling my dream of running again. The sneaker shop will have to be a bit later, it will take a bit of time to set it up and I don’t see it happening so soon.

If I had 15 minutes of fame, I would like to tell all children and young people in the world that nothing is forever and you always have to keep your head high and look forward to the future.

My first role model was Steve 'the Beaver' Menzies who played his entire career at Manly. Now I have many more role models. They are all very different people and they inspire me for different reasons: First and foremost, it’s Tony, the man who saved my life. Then there are other people I look up to; one of them is Macklemore, who is my favourite rap artist.
Sometimes I do a bit of rapping by myself but I don’t think I would do it in front of an audience. Before my accident I used to play guitar and sing a little bit.

Other role models are a couple of NBA players such as Kobe Briant and Ben Simmons. I always loved playing basketball – that is my other passion".

Is there a special place where Elijah feels at peace, where he feels he is himself?

- "Before the accident, I used to find my peace in running. Nowadays, I feel that I am at peace while looking in a sports shoe store".

I asked Elijah to choose one word to describe himself. He smiled: 

- "Can I use two, please? Big Dreamer, that’s how I would describe myself”.

One of the set questions I ask my sitters while we map out their stories is whether they have any regrets. In Elijah’s case, I thought it was a question I would skip, but on the completion of our interview, he confessed in a very candid way that it was the question he was looking forward to answering:

- "I do have regrets: first of all, I regret deciding to skip Little Athletics that morning and to go watch my cousin sky diving. Second of all, I do regret deciding to sky dive that day".

But Elijah is not one to dwell on regrets; he is motivated to keep going. I asked him how he felt, carrying the Queen's baton.  

- "I felt proud to have been chosen and so amazed by the number of people who came out to support me.
It motivates me to try harder and I hope they get inspired too".

Elijah, pictured with his parents, Robin and José

The Cultural Planner

My innermost dream? Since I had children, it’s all about them. I just want them to have a peaceful and happy life. Before having children, I always wanted to make sure I always had a way of expressing creativity, the opportunity to create.

When I met Susan for the first time, it was a fortuitous encounter. At the time, I was blissfully unaware of her Community and Cultural Planning Manager position at Ginninderry and of how quickly she would become someone whom I love and respect very much. We met at my favourite place in the whole wide world – Strathnairn Arts, while I was sitting the Annual Squares exhibition. I was very taken by her frank way of talking, taking art in and showing her interest in the local arts community. Susan doesn’t do that type of polite conversation, where one finds it well-mannered to simulate interest into everything, however boring it could be. Instead, she gets engaged and her interest is genuine. She makes you feel safe, appreciated and noticed. As an emerging artist with not much to show (at that time), our encounter prompted me to think that maybe there was something in my art after all and that maybe I was ready to take the plunge. When someone believes in you and tells you they like your ideas, your self-confidence goes rocketing; and looking back it’s been quite the year for me, making a start.
We hit it off instantly and we discovered that we had many things in common. Susan is the type of person I can talk about anything with – we had the most amazing conversations with topics ranging from gypsy souls, farming and bees to movie-making, art styles and the need to have an organic connection with nature. 
However, when it comes to making her portrait, I feel that I have failed in recording properly the true essence of Susan's soul. And this is a lesson I had to learn the hard way: sometimes, no matter how hard we try, time constraints and own emotions can come in the way and impact the final results. And so, one image is all I have to show. 


- When I was a child I wanted to be an actress; I loved movies at that age, especially Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet.
I was a mad, crazy reader – I loved the Nutcracker story, I had this beautiful book that had the music and the story and really amazing illustrations of the nutcracker characters.
Nowadays, one of my current favourite movies is Wes Anderson’s Moonrise Kingdom.

- Coming out of high school, I wanted to be an artist. I loved painting. I still do; I haven’t done it for a while, I have been too busy. But I have set myself a goal; I have got some painting equipment here in Canberra. At the end of the day I feel so tired but I am determined to make it.

- I have had a really great episode of being an artist, working and exhibiting. I did a fine arts degree in Victoria, with a major in painting but what happened there was that in my 3rd year I discovered a basement filled with brand new video cameras. I pretty much put the brushes down and swapped them for cameras. No one was using them; they were there to be used by students. I ended up having one constantly because I’d take it back and then say I wanted to book it out for another week, then another week, then another one… and then the Tech said to me “just keep it”.

The best thing Susan ever filmed? 

 - There are a few favourites. The one I am most proud of for its creativity is a music video we made for Jeff Duff, “Walk on the Wildside” We slowed the music down by 4 and then recorded that version. We gave him that recording and got it to him to learn it at that speed. He learned the slow version, so he could mime that slow version while filming. We then played it and he sang while his face was made up by one of Australia’s best makeup artists. Then we played it at normal time so that the face is being made up really, really quickly while the song is now at the normal speed. It worked amazingly but we didn’t know how it would work out until we got back the footage from the lab - that was 35 mm film - and we played it and we just danced around the office – we were so excited that it worked. We did about 4 versions and they all worked out beautifully. 

 One of the first things I ask every sitter is to try and articulate who they are now, in the present time and whether they like it, whether it fits with the original dream.

- Nowadays, I am a planner, after all of those different roles I have had– a painter, a film maker, a farmer, a partner and a mother. One day, these all came together as skills extremely useful in cultural planning. Do I like it? I love it. I love being able to bring a creative world together every day. Seeing the effect it has on people – like earlier today, when walking out on the terrace and seeing the visitors looking at the artwork and enjoying it. It’s a great feeling.

This project (Ginninderry) is the ultimate job. When they contacted me, I was a bit hesitant. Then another member of this team said to me: “listen, for people like us, this is IT. This is what we love; this is the job we have always been dreaming about”.
I consider the whole development as an artwork: the roads, the footpaths, the parks, the houses, the greenspace, the activity – it’s all one big artwork. It’s incredibly exciting and intimidating a bit, to be able to design something that people will live with, generations after generations.

- My innermost dream? Since I had children, it’s all about them. I just want them to have a peaceful and happy life. Before having children, I always wanted to make sure I always had a way of expressing creativity, the opportunity to create.

- A dream I wouldn’t confess? To be a famous actress. Or I would love to be in a rock and roll band. I learned guitar for a while. The one thing I am sorry about is that I never had the time for music or better said, the time to learn an instrument. I listen to music all the time, I made lots of videos but I never had an opportunity to learn how to play an instrument properly. Recently, I have joined the “One Voice” choir - in the beginning it was just to make up the numbers and then I discovered that I really liked it.

What is the one thing that keeps Susan going? And what motivates her?
- Music. Music keeps me going and saves me if I am stressed. The other thing is cooking. And often I combine the two.

My family motivates me. Everything I do has this underlying motivation to make things good for my two daughters.
My motivation is to be a good role model for them and I know that everything I build now, they will eventually benefit from it. My daughters are both into arts as well; one has completed a degree of fine arts and now is doing graphic design and the other one is studying film.

Where does Susan see herself in 5 years’ time? It’s far from being a dry interview question, I find that often my sitters look at it as giving themselves a timeline where they can come back and see how they achieved their dreams.

- I know exactly what I will be doing in 5 years. We will be moving onto a property on the Dorrigo Plateau, which is inland from Coffs Harbour. This is my dream place, a place where family and friends will gather. We are going to make it so beautiful that people will love being there; it’s going to be a place for dreaming. We are still going to run some cattle but these are going to be our wind down years.
We recently found a property that fits the bill. We won’t move there straight away, but probably in 5 years’ time we would have set up it the way we like it, with the gardens and the indoors and outdoors spaces the way we like it Steve (my partner), has been talking about the Dorrigo plateau for a long time.

How is Susan looking at those 15 minutes of fame?
- There is one thing that has been most important to me ever since I had daughters. I tried to be the best role model I can be for them. In saying that, I’ve just tried to really be myself and show that you make mistakes, you cry, you lose your temper but beyond all that, everything you do is based on “do no harm and try to do good”. 
I am sort of famous in their eyes; I know that from their career choices. They are looking at what I have done, thinking they’d like to follow in that.

One of the things I have really instilled in them is that they have a great sense of social justice. Now that they are in their 20s, I can certainly see it. I couldn’t see it when they were teenagers, because that’s just how teenagers are, perhaps a little bit self-absorbed, but now it brings me such joy, seeing they care about people.
For example, my youngest daughter is 24yo and she moved to Melbourne to do a graphic design course. It was very hard because she didn’t know anyone there and she is very shy. She was struggling to find a place to live in a shared house. You have to go to these excruciating interviews with the other persons sharing and it was a nightmare. Because she is not bubbly at all, she is such a shy person and so reserved, she was getting constant rejections. She rang me, while walking and she was crying, asking me why was it that no one picked her and all of the sudden she went “are you all right?” and stopped talking to me. I could hear the conversation; she was asking someone if they needed help and if they lived far.
Finally when she came back to our conversation she told me that she saw a man fall over and she wanted to make sure he was all right.
I loved that. She was in the middle of her own crisis and she was able to put that aside when a total stranger on the street needed help. I heard the tone of her voice – the empathy was instant and that was so rewarding to me, because she didn’t hesitate to offer help - there are so many other women her age who would have just walked past.

I feel like my work is done in some ways. If you can impart to your family and the others that we are all responsible to and for each other, that every single person around us is our responsibility; if you can get that across, I think you have done a fantastic thing for the community.

- My first role model was a lecturer at art school. He taught me a lesson about drawing – a lesson that bled out into everything else I do. I was doing these really tight drawings that weren’t very expressive and he was really brutal with his comments. I cannot remember the exact words but he was spot on that it was stitched up, there was no freedom and there was no heart in it.

I look at artworks now and I can see so quickly and easily whether there is heart in it or not. The way he said it to me, made me get it straight away. “Being able to do something with heart takes nerve, because you are putting your real self out there. You have to let go of that fear and free yourself”. I did and it was really good for my artwork and I think it has influenced everything I do. It taught me to not be contrived and to listen to your instincts and go with them.

- My role models now? I think there are people on the team here at Ginninderra that I really respect and look up to because it is not often that you get to work with a team made up of people who are all outcome driven and so diligent. I really respect the diligence of people in this team. It’s a really satisfying way to work and it is very rare for a whole team to be like that. The level of dedication, commitment and diligence is truly inspiring. I have worked in many places – the film crew probably comes close to this team, but apart from that, I haven’t come across a team that is so well put together.

What is Susan’s biggest regret?

- I have had regrets about leaving the film industry but it’s not really a big regret. I only have to remind myself of the reason, for the regret to dissipate. I met somebody – my partner, who is a farmer. I continued making films for a while but after we had children, I couldn’t be in Sydney or in Melbourne and be able to look after them on the farm. I had to make a choice and I know I made the right choice. But I guess it’s human nature to sometimes wonder about that “what if”. But I wouldn’t be here, then. Living in the rural area introduced me to cultural planning. Film and music are my first love but I still enjoy them without being involved in producing them.

- I feel at peace on the farm. I have lived there for 32 years and I know every tree, every hill; I know the birds and the kangaroos and the plants, the sky, the mountains and everybody who visits there says the same: this place is so tranquil, so peaceful. It has that effect on everybody.

What does Ginninderry means to Susan?

- It’s an extraordinary opportunity to test out a lot of ideas that I’ve developed over a career working in the arts and cultural planning. It means having the opportunity to implement those ideas which were impossible to apply in smaller projects.
I love that here we can develop a culture that recognises artists and craft people and artisans as an essential part of the workforce. One of the strategies is to set up a creative industries hub that would be integrated with other industries. For example, when people are going to buy plumbing supplies – next door there will be someone selling handmade tiles.

During her career, Susan went from being the mastermind behind video clips for famous artists to being the Cultural Planning Manager at Ginninderry. I asked her how this change influenced her.

- It has given me such a lot of confidence in my instinct. I ‘ve always tried to live by my instinct but this job has taught me that not only is it better, it is almost essential to function that way and to listen out for that creative voice, because it is always there. When you have a dilemma, that creative voice is always there and will never let you down. But we can become deaf to that voice and we have to make sure we’re always receiving that. If I was a religious person, I’d probably say it was God. But I am not. So I don’t know where it’s coming from. But I hear that voice coming into my head – things like “what about an artist catalogue?” These things just come to me and it’s easy to ignore them. They come out of the blue and seem to arrive at the right time and you tend to be a bit wary of things that seem to fall into place too easy but you just have to let all of that go and it’s amazing what happens when you do.

What is Susan most proud of?
- I am proud of some of the things I achieved in my career and I am very proud of my daughters.

One of the most rewarding projects in my previous job was to save some beautiful heritage buildings in Goulbourn from being destroyed and to get the funding to restore them. It’s really rewarding to see those building and know that you have been part of the reason why they are still standing.

The Visionary

"My innermost dream is still the same: to be a successful author and to be abundant in all areas; to have the resources to do what you want to, when you want to".

 

I have heard many times this joke, that in Canberra practically everyone knows everyone, based on the algorithm that everyone knows someone who knows someone who knows you. Lately, it has been true for me in more than one occasion. For almost two years now, I have been witnessing from distance the makings of Canberra Wise Women, going from strength to strength. Although I have been following Lisa’s story for a while, it was only recently that I came to meet her in person.

The day before the interview, I was having a walk with one of my best friends and we were discussing our common disappointment with the high expectations society places on women, particularly on working mothers. Even more so, we were discussing our frustration with the high expectations we place on ourselves, striving to be perfect in everything and brilliantly failing at it. We were also talking about the lack of empathy witnessed over several incidents and about support, about that good old village that used to have your back and how women could better support each other. Coincidentally or not, this was an excellent preamble to interviewing Lisa, who is a firm believer in bringing people together - to shine a light on their dreams.

I got a very warm welcome in her house and what I loved most, from the first moment I stepped inside, was the fact that she welcomed me straight into the heart of things. My visit was not rehearsed for, she didn’t dress up especially for me, the house was beautiful and intimate – a house where people lived, not a house for showing off. A house filled with love, was my first impression and then I felt at ease. It’s not always easy, striking a conversation with people I haven’t met before and interviewing them can be challenging, since I am virtually asking them to open up to a stranger. Likewise, it can be equally challenging for me to find the right opening words, right tone or approach.  I furtively thought of the conversation I had with my bestie, when we were questioning why we sometimes feel that we cannot receive guests without an immaculate house. Which in my case is impossible, living with two little tornadoes who like to explore.  Understandably, I instantly loved Lisa for treating me like family, sitting me down for a cuppa and allowing me to make friends with her adorable dogs. The conversation ensued naturally and as we went through the questions, I knew I have met another friend. This is the beauty of the Hat of Many Dreams: I don’t intend to stop these series any time soon, but I do know that at the end of it all, I will be so much richer for all the friends I made.

- My first favourite story was Thumbelina. I liked things that were little, petite – they used to intrigue me. I had lots of miniature things. I had the family treehouse when I was little, which was a plastic tree house; it had a little elevator in the middle where you could put the family into and wind it up, then the top popped up and there was a shelf in it and it had three rooms, a lounge, a bedroom and a kitchen. There was a mummy, daddy, their children and a dog... I was around 5 when I got it. I only got rid of it recently.

My favourite movie has always been “Dirty Dancing”. I love romance, happy endings; not sad endings.

 - When I was younger, I wanted to be an astronaut. Or an author, which is something I still want to be. Then later on, I wanted to be a detective.

- In my teens I wanted to be an interior decorator or an architect. Then I thought about being a journalist.  My mother made me change my mind about being an architect or interior designer; she thought that computers would be doing all the design work in the future. The more I thought about journalism, I didn’t think I could go to someone who just been through something really terrible and make them talk about it. I’m too empathetic for that.

Coming out of high school, I didn’t really have a big dream. One of my goals was to design and build my own house and to be an author. I have already done the first, still working on writing a book. I have a number of partially finished manuscripts.  

“Who are you now”? It’s a question I ask my sitters as a reflection over their path, looking back to their initial aspirations.  

- Who am I now? I usually describe myself as a business creative and inspirer and a wolf Mumma. I am a mother to three beautiful German shepherd dogs that look like wolves because of their unique colour. They are specially bred to be completely black.  

 

 

The main reason for starting this project was my genuine desire of finding out about other people’s dreams. The main question I ask my sitters in each interview is what their innermost dream is.

- My innermost dream is still the same: to be a successful author and to be abundant in all areas; to have the resources to do what you want to, when you want to.

The last few months have been really hard. We lost Mojo (beloved fur baby) and I lost my motivation. I really had to find what inspires and motivates me again. I feel like I have been on this journey for many years, finding what inspires me and keeps me moving forward. I’m just starting to feel better. I know it’s time to put all the hours of learning, training and information I’ve been gathering to use. It’s time to not let it all sit there, it’s time to find my courage and harness my ambition.

- What really motivates me is the desire to be better and to inspire others, to inspire myself, to see  people becoming the best versions of themselves. I often say I like to leave places, people and situations better than I found them.

Where does Lisa see herself in the next 5 years?  And what would she do with her 15 minutes of fame?

- I am bad at forward planning. When you do coaching, they do ask that – where do you see yourself? I find it difficult to project. Ideally, a published author with multiple successful businesses that are making a positive impact, a difference in peoples’ lives.  Having our home and garden the way we want it to be. To be enjoying our life..

What would she do with her 15 minutes of fame?

 

-It’s really funny because Canberra Wise Women has been going for 2 years and I’ve had my massage business for 20 years. Many people that I meet through CWW don’t even know I’ve spent over 20 years in the health industry. I find it interesting! That I’m known for my life’s experiences but not for my lifelong career.  

It was a well thought out decision to put my story forward when founding CWW. I knew that by sharing my story we would gain media interest, as well connecting with others who were facing challenges and feeling overwhelmed. I want CWW to get to the point where my story isn’t the drawcard. I want it to become about all the other stories that we share and the safe space that we create for people to connect.. My story and journey through PTSD have been used to create attention, so CWW can grow to something that is much bigger than me.

Even with my Massage business; I made the decision early on to not have my name in the business name. I always wanted Therapy Masters to be bigger than me. There are only so many people that you can help by yourself. When you have a team, you can help many more people.

 

 

I am always interested to find out about my sitters’ first and current role models. It’s always a question that draws complex answers and sometimes it is not easy to navigate through emotions.

 - My first role model was my sister. She was 10 years older than me and she was so good at everything she did: Dux of her school, state level athlete, smart – very driven. I don’t do role models now. My perception of role models changed greatly when my sister fell off the pedestal that I put her on, when I was much younger. When my sister was in her 20s she started to smoke marijuana – that didn’t work very well with her biochemistry. By the time she was in her early 30s she had developed an organic psychosis. She was diagnosed with late onset schizophrenia at the age of 32 and struggled with her mental health for the next 20 years. She died suddenly in 2013. She used to live here in Canberra, and was a science teacher. I came to study here in Canberra at ANU, and she was teaching in Canberra at the time. I was studying Abnormal Psychology when it became obvious she wasn’t well. There she was - a living, breathing example of my textbook.

What is Lisa’s biggest regret?

- I have various regrets but I don’t know if I have a particular biggest regret. Probably not having high levels of self confidence and self belief when I started Therapy Masters in 1997. I wish I had trusted myself and the ideas I had back then. At the time I was concerned about keeping others happy, keeping myself small and being influenced by people around me. If I had birthed those initial ideas even10 years ago, I would be leading the way in various areas now, I believe. It’s so common to doubt yourself when you are starting out. I guess it’s more about missed opportunities than regret.

Where is Lisa’s special place?

- I feel happy and at peace here, at home.  We moved here after we had some horrible things happen to us and this is has been our healing place.

Having witnessed Canberra Wise Women (CWW)coming to fruition, I wanted to know how Lisa drew her inspiration in putting it all together.

- I had the idea for a networking group for years and years, originally the idea was for a business women’s group.  Then the more I thought about it, the more I realised that most business women I know are pretty inspired and motivated, they are confident because they are doing work they love. It’s the other people walking around, doubting themselves, being unmotivated, that need to be inspired.  I don’t know how I came up with the idea for the CWW format – the idea for an interview style event just popped in to my head, all by itself.  It was very different from what else was out there at the time.  It ended up coming together really quickly.

I caught up for dinner with a friend of mine in September 2015 and I started to share the ideas and projects I was currently working on with her. She mentioned that her work might be interested in my women’s networking idea. Then I went to a conference in the October, run by The Women’s Collective and I left feeling really inspired. Driving home from the conference it felt like the universe was yelling at me “It’s time, it’s time, it’s time!” I emailed my friend and asked to chat further about my idea. We met in October 2015 and at the end of the month I found out that I would be able to use the function space of PWC here in Canberra. The only provision was that I had to hold an event before the end of year. 

I had just 5 weeks to make it all happen. Through my determination, network and friends we pulled it all together. We designed our logo in less than 2 weeks, found an interviewer, sourced our first three guests, started promoting, and put tickets on sale. We had 50 people at our first event.

- Behind CWW is our personal journey through multiple, horrible personal and business experiences. We had a long list of incidents occur in a short amount of time, one after another. My husband and I had a business targeted for crime. From 2007 to 2010 the business was repeatedly robbed or vandalised.

It was a chain of events that lasted for over 3 years – the first one, was a therapist being fraudulent in my massage business. I had spent the day investigating what had happened at the business and was looking forward to going home at the end of the day to eat chocolate and drink wine. But when I got home I found that our home had been burgled – we had $60,000 worth of belongings stolen. We went on to have 14 incidents at the store, including 4 armed robberies in the last 12 months it was open. We closed the business in August 2010.

I went to see ACT Victim Support in early 2011, expecting to be given a couple of hours of free counselling. I had written out a long list of everything we have been through and I shared all of it with the intake officer. Then she said to me “I’ll be back shortly”. It took longer than I expected but when she came back; she said “I’ve spoken to my supervisor; we have never had anyone in here with this amount of incidents in such a short time”. They allocated me 20 hours of counselling.

This was when I started to realise that maybe we had been through a lot, that maybe I didn’t need to be hard on myself and that I was coping pretty well, considering all we had been through. I went on to work with a psychologist specialising in PTSD for 18 months. Because of my background in health and well-being, I looked at my healing very holistically. I looked at the emotional, physical and spiritual aspects and I have done lots and lots of healing work over the last 7 years.  What I learned was that being positive, being inspired and being around like-minded people and letting go of negativity were critical for my healing.

It is these elements from my healing: positivity, inspiration, like-minded people that are the cornerstones of what Canberra Wise Women is about. In short CWW is a platform for positivity.

How much do you feel you have achieved from the initial purpose you set for yourself and CWW, to present?

- I know CWW definitely inspires people. Many people let us know that they leave our events feeling  inspired. I know we help others find their motivation and self belief to get their own projects off the ground. There is a saying going around at the moment: You can’t be what you can’t see. Part of what CWW does is shine the light on local role models. If you see someone who had been going through something horrible, and you see that they have gotten through it and moved on; it shines the light for you and shows you that you too can move on from whatever you might be struggling with. That’s part of what we share through CWW.

There are so many truly amazing and talented people here in Canberra. Canberra is such a creative, innovative space. I think there is a real diversity, positivity and brightness here that you don’t get in many other places. People often come to our events who have these amazing ideas, they have a deep yearning inside them and they are just too doubtful or scared to put their idea out there. I feel we create a safe space for people to tune in and listen to themselves. To really hear that voice that’s screaming – “it’s time” at you. To know that it’s safe and okay to put their idea out in to the world.

I know of someone who has been to our events, who then changed her career path, establishing herself in the fitness industry. Another friend started Canberra’s first giving circle, “Capital Giving”, a space that empowers people to be philanthropic in their local community. And another who has started a creative business, after finally tuning in to her inner voice. CWW also brings people together and they start beautiful collaborations and projects together. It’s wonderful to see it all of these things blooming from our events. I love that CWW was that initial spark, the introduction space - if you like, for many amazing things that are happening right now in Canberra.

The numbers to our events dropped over the winter months last year, which was disappointing for me. It makes you question what you’re doing. I wondered if it was our change of venue from Barton to the airport, or because we put on a higher number of events. There are also more events on now in Canberra and there is more choice for people who want to go out.

I’m in the process of planning our 2018 program at the moment. I’m looking at offering new events this year. I need to be the leader in what we are creating and sharing. After being in business for over 20 years I know we need to reiterate our brand and what we are doing every 18 months or 2 years.  CWW’s has just turned 2 - so it’s time to change.

What is it like, to be a Reiki Master? Does it make Lisa proud to achieve this title?

I haven’t received my Reiki attunements the same as most people. I’ve always been told that I had Reiki naturally (I am medically intuitive) and I had a friend who was a Reiki Master offer to provide my first Reiki attunement in 2006. Some people feel different physically after being attuned.  After my first attunement, I felt no difference. After my 2^nd attunement, in 2011 I felt quite different. Then with the 3^rd and Reiki Master attunements (also in 2011) I felt no difference again.  I am also a Theta practitioner – Theta also uses universal energy. As part of my healing journey, I booked in for a Theta session. I loved it and I decided I wanted to complete the training to become a Theta practitioner. That was in 2013.

With Reiki the energy passes through you to the person who you are sending the healing energy to. With Theta it’s like you are a traffic controller - you can direct the energy, and direct it where it needs to go; it doesn’t need to pass through you, unless you want it to. Both Reiki and Theta healing energies come directly from Source. When I do an energy healing, I use a combination of both Reiki and Theta.

Out of all my qualifications, I think I am the proudest of my massage qualification because they made us work for it! I used to joke that ANU were very nice and gave me my Bachelor’s degree, while CIT made me work hard for my Advanced Diploma.

Why does Lisa like helping people?

 

- Someone else asked me this last year, when I was interviewed at a CWW event. I became an aunt when I was 16. By the time I was 19 I had moved here to study at ANU and would only see my niece and nephew a few times a year. One summer holiday when I arrived home from Uni my niece would have been 2-3 years old at the time, and my nephew would have been 4 or 5. They were so excited to see me, to hug me and just spend time with me. I remember having that same level of adoration with my older siblings who were 10 and 12 years older than me. But they didn’t honour that adoration. To them, I was the annoying little sister. It was heartbreaking to not have that love received and returned with the same care and openness it had been given. So I decided in my late teens to honour that energy with my niece and nephew. My niece and nephew are now 28 and 30 – and we still enjoy a close connection.

- I know from personal experience that honouring people’s energy and connecting with them helps them find the positivity and confidence that we all possess. This is the space I come from when I’m looking to help people – whether that’s a health client, a friend or a guest at CWW.

- One word to describe myself?

Depends on the time of the day. Crazed or Creative.

The Peaceful

"My innermost dream?  Initially, it is to be pain-free.  That would be lovely. And to keep taking photographs and making more glass works"...

 

I have known Tricia for over 9 years now but every single time I visit, I learn something new about her.
Her house is the most peaceful place I have ever seen; yet her life path has known some mighty storms.

She is a very talented artist. When she is not doing glass work or photography, she is attending to her amazing garden.

During one special morning we shared in her garden, she told me about the trying times recovering from cancer and about dealing with personal loss through her art. I have visited her house many times before, yet that was the first time when my eye was drawn to her powerful self- portrait. Naturally, I invited Tricia to wear the hat and join the other dreamers.

- "When I was young, I wanted to be happy.
I don’t remember many stories from that time but I remember our 1^st TV program, “the Lone Ranger”. I loved it – I was 8yo at the time.

Coming out of high school, I wanted to be a teacher. I was passionate about learning.  Back then, my biggest dream was to be loved, and to love back. I come from an unhappy childhood. We were 4 siblings – I had 2 older brothers and a younger sister. We were constantly told by my stepmother that we weren’t loved.  My father died when I was 8. Two years later, my mother married my step father and then 3 years later when I was 13, my mother died as well, and my step father married my mother’s sister. Suddenly, we were orphans and our lovely auntie turned into the stepmother from hell. But in retrospective, she was a 51yo spinster; she was probably going through menopause.

Back then, my sister and I became Wards of the Court. We were packed off to a boarding school  - to a Convent actually; worse than a boarding school. It was a catholic school in just outside Berwick Upon Tweed". 

 

- "Who I am now? It’s very hard to define myself. A loving grandmother, a frustrated photographer and a good friend.  I mostly like who I am. If I were to change a thing, that would be intolerance.  Sometimes I do become intolerant and defensive. I have always been defensive – it’s a somewhat natural part of me.  I guess it goes back to my childhood and to that need of ensuring that no one is going to hurt me. So I’ll keep people at arms’ length.  I’m pretty independent – I wouldn’t say fiercely independent, but I am too independent for my own good. It is very hard for me to ask anyone for help and I want things done immediately".

- "My innermost dream?  Initially, it is to be pain-free.  That would be lovely. And to keep taking photographs and making more glass works. I would love a little studio to continue doing glasswork. I’d love to learn more, to do some kiln work, create more and certainly keep taking my photos".

I always ask my sitters if they have a secret dream, one that they not even confess to their closest friend. Tricia smiles.

- I’d like to find a tall, dark, handsome man – it’s always been a dream. Actually, at this stage he doesn’t need to be handsome. Just kind and funny".

 

- "The one thing that keeps me going is determination. I have proven that I can cope with life. I find motivation in lots of things. It makes me happy that I can see a beautiful plant or a lovely scenery each day. I am always looking for things to make my heart sing and when I see something that moves me so much, I love to capture it in a photograph. It’s mostly the beauty in plants or in isolated scenery, like a beautiful misty morning.  Music also lifts my soul and keeps me going.

- In 5 years’ time? I’d like to understand the computer side better. I would love to share my photography to a wider audience.  I’d like to progress my art. I’d love to make cards, prints and all sorts of artsy bits. If I had my 15 minutes of fame, I would like to sell a photograph. I’d like someone to like my work enough to actually buy it. I just had an exhibition, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and I would like to be involved in some more.

I was so proud of my degree show at the university, in July 2000. The feedback I got was lovely and very encouraging. I studied Contemporary Photographic Practice at Northumbria University in the north east of England, and looking back, I think I would like to produce more art. I would very much like to work in collaboration with other people, too".

- "My brother Pete was my first role model. He was determined, fun and passionate. He followed his dream. He was a film maker and what I liked most about him was his sense of humour. Pete is still my role model. I listen to my brother in my head a lot. I think about his life. He would have never given up. Even when he was dying of cancer, he was still planning things with a passion.  That was almost 18 years ago. But every day I think about him. We share the same birth date – lots of people thought we were twins but I was his birthday present on his first birthday.

- At the moment, my favourite film is “Hunt for the Wilder People”. It was poignant, funny and full of warmth.

 

- My biggest regret is not being a better mother to my eldest daughter.  I wasn’t a great mother to her, I was very young and didn’t have a clue but all I knew is that I loved her. I still do.I think that is why I am a really good grandmother now.

If I could go back in time and change something, I would lose my anxieties and I would try hard to be kinder and more loving.
And if I could, there is one big thing I would change. I would look in a very different way at feelings and at the grief process.  When Mum died, she died on a Wednesday and we were told on Thursday. Mum was buried on Friday. We were then taken back to school on Monday, like it never happened. She was never spoken about anymore. Never. She was only 46yo; that was the cruellest blow in our family. If I could go back in time, I would have asked for help; back in those days there was no counselling, no one knew much or talked about these sorts of things, the way we do now.  This is why I don’t talk about feelings; I think that this is where a lot of my insecurities are coming from. If you don’t have a solid anchor when you are a child, I think you flounder a lot. It doesn’t matter how old you are; you are still that little child crying quietly for their mother.

 

- I feel at peace in my garden. It’s tranquil, peaceful and beautiful. The other place I love is the ocean. I love watching and listening to the ocean. I love walking on the beach. (I am a rubbish swimmer, though!)

 

- When I look back, 2000 was my most trying year. I graduated from University in July. In August I was diagnosed with the need of an urgent hip replacement ,which didn’t take place till April 2001, because in September I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I got through using my art. I photographed my journey all the way through, having my chemo and radiotherapy. That culminated in a self-portrait – a powerful and confronting self-portrait. Even the shaving of my head – I documented it all, the hair I found on my pillow, or gathering in the shower plug hole... I rang my friend Tony and he came over and shaved my head. I put on these very glamorous diamante earrings and got my head shaved. I should have probably asked him for a Number 3, not for a full shave, in hindsight. But I did it and to date, this self-portrait, although confronting, is also a great reminder of the adversities I endured, and I am still here !!