The Artist

"My innermost dream is still that freedom dream; riding, getting a campervan, rent out my house, take my horse and travel around Australia and be a nomad. I would also like to do more art, but I don’t see why the two can’t co-exist. I have a very strong instinct of not staying in one place". 

Earlier this year, I have decided to fill in the gaps of my artistic education and I enrolled to study for a Diploma in Visual Arts. 

I didn’t realise it when I signed up, but I am getting so much more out of my new learning. I have learned new techniques. I have great teachers, who are extremely supportive. I achieved things I didn’t think possible. My confidence has increased, as I am slowly working my path. But the best thing of all, I have made so many new friends in my talented classmates. I will never forget our first day, when one of our teachers asked us all to introduce ourselves and talk about what we wanted to achieve with this course. That was the day I met Niki.

Before I go on with Niki’s story, I feel I need to write about a couple of memories – things that happened a long time ago, before I knew I was going to call Australia home.

I grew up in Communist Romania, where the borders were closed. We had no idea, no understanding of or connection with the outside world. But that was not a barrier for imaginative minds. I remember this game that my sister and I had as children. We had a world map hanging on the wall and we liked picking up a country, trying to imagine what life was like if we lived there. One time, I picked Australia. We day-dreamed about how amazing it would be to see a platypus, a koala or a kangaroo. We talked about how similar some of the Aboriginal art was to our Romanian traditional art. 

I didn’t know back then that it will be my new homeland.

Fast forward to my 20s, I was the International Maritime Safety onboard a cruise ship; we just docked into Sydney. The Communications Officer was just getting the local news and we could not believe what we were seeing. Back then, on the Navigational Bridge quarters of the Norwegian Wind, our small group of officers huddled together, weeping for people we’ve never seen.  It was 2003 and we were watching a footage of the devastating fires in Canberra. I didn’t know back then that it will be my home city.

I was in awe, seeing Niki on my first day at Uni. I recognised her instantly as the winner of the Rising Women of Spirit Award in 2014. As we got to know each other in more depth, I discovered a beautiful soul and a remarkable artist. In fact, at the time I am writing this article, Niki has just hosted her first art stall at the Winter Art Fair and her works sold like hot cakes – a well-deserved recognition of her talent. You can follow Niki's artistic projects on her Instagram or FaceBook Pages. 

- "I wear a few hats every single day. First, there is my teacher hat – and that is the big one, the most important hat. At home with my animals, I wear a totally different hat; I treat them as my own children. Then there is my Artist hat – one that I had lost for a while and I have only started to wear only lately. Like everyone else, I have a social media hat; we all carefully curate what we put out there; my media persona is very different from my “at home” persona.

I am a very different person when I am teaching, as opposed to who I am at home.

I am quite an introvert and being around people takes a lot of energy. Showing my “confident” alter ego takes a lot out of me. 

I think I like my teacher persona the most, out of all these hats.  It’s emotionally exhausting being that person - but it is very rewarding.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a pony or a mermaid. Unfortunately, I never ended up being either. Ocean would be cold and polluted right now, so it’s a good thing.

Later on, I think I wanted to be a police officer but then I realised I was too nice for that. In the end, I wanted to be a graphic designer. I never really wanted to be a teacher until I was in my mid 20s.

When I was about 9 or 10, I read “Watership Down” by Richard Adams and I loved it. It was quite imaginative, with these anthropomorphic animals that think like people. I remember feeling a huge satisfaction when I finished reading it. My best friend and I used to compete who could read more. I never managed to beat her.

Coming out of high school, I wanted to be a graphic designer. 

I didn’t get the score to get me into Graphic Design but I got into industrial design instead. I always knew I wanted to do something creative. It was too technical for me. I did a Graphic Design minor and half of it was photography. I remembered how much I liked photography. So, I decided to go to CIT and studied photography there. I never regretted that.

Back then, I was obsessed with Isobel Carmody’s post apocalyptical series “The Obernewtyn Chronicles”. I used to be so captivated by this world – I still am. There is a group of people with almost psychic powers living in the mountains. One of the main characters, Elspeth, is able to communicate mentally with animals. I always wanted to be able to do that. She had a horse and she communicated with it - it was my dream too, to ride my horse through the mountains and be free.

After the fire, I got into Para Equestrian Carriage Driving and I was going to be competing in the Netherlands. I ended up in a car accident, skidding on black ice and hit a concrete barrier. It was pretty scary, surviving with only a couple of soft tissue injuries. But it was enough that I had to pull out of the competition. After everything that happened, to end up in a car accident like that. I didn’t want to have anything to do with horses for 18 months.

Then in 2013 I found Ollie, 18 months after I rage-quit horses. 

I know I made the right decision, I won’t compete again. But I cannot stay away from horses. I want to go back to that dream of riding through the mountains. When I saw Ollie – everything about him was perfect. Then afterwards I found Misty. She is a Highlands pony and she is very gentle. Misty is not as self-confident as Ollie, she gets worried if she feels that the rider is worried. Ollie remains calm if I panic.

Who I am now? I still don’t think that I fully know. We always strive for our best. Do we ever get to know ourselves? I am no sure. Do I like who I am? Yes. I think the older we get, we accept it better. I still have to go a lot but I am happy with who I am at the moment.

My innermost dream is still that freedom dream; riding, getting a campervan, rent out my house, take my horse and travel around Australia and be a nomad. I would also like to do more art, but I don’t see why the two can’t co-exist. I have a very strong instinct of not staying in one place. Unfortunately, like many others, once you get a mortgage, you kind of get tied up here. There are a million other things I’d rather be doing and move freely.

I am naturally an optimistic person. I will find the positive in just about any situation. Even last year, when I stuck in a school I wasn’t enjoying, I could see positives, trying to get though the day then come 3 o’clock, I would be out of there, doing something else that I liked.

Even when I was in hospital for 10 months, I kept telling myself that this will get better. I took one day at the time and tried to stay positive. It was a real test of strength; I told myself “I was able to do this, today”. Then I turned it around into “today, I will do this” and then once I achieved that,  I moved towards the next goal. 

I had to re-learn to do everything for myself. One thing at the time, I had to learn how to be optimistic again when everything was taken away from me at that point. What else did I have? I told myself the only way to go about this huge new challenge was to change myself and my thinking.

The most important thing that I learned from that experience was: ok, this was crap, how can I change it. I learned to take the responsibility of a situation instead of blaming the others, coz that is the easiest thing but you don’t give yourself any power when you do that. 

It has been hard, but changing my ways of thinking was best chance I had.

I did fall into a pit of despair and I came to a crossroads. I had two options; to let it go as it was or to change it. I didn’t want to feel like crap anymore therefore I decided to change, and find the way forward.

People often call me inspirational. It drives me nuts. All I did was survive. You have no idea of what you are capable of until you are in that situation.

I really like this Stella Young quote of an acquaintance with the same condition. Everyone likening her to a delicate snowflake. “If that happens to me, I do not want to be a delicate snow flower. Remember me as a very strong powerful flawed woman.”

This is who I want to be. I want to be the voice to say that the best thing to do for people with disabilities is to give them the independence they want to have.

I once did a drawing course with someone who was a great teacher but did not know how to handle me. In the end I stopped attending; I could not deal with them constantly hovering over me and constantly referring to my disability – it was so frustrating. It’s a shame really, because it was a good course and I was enjoying it.

In five years’ time, I would like to be working part time, have that campervan, travelling around the country and make more art. I would love to have an exhibition. I am looking at joining a couple of artists organisations and take my art more seriously.

If I had my 15 minutes of fame, I would make a point of advocating for disability inclusion. Part of the reason I became a teacher was to have more visibility for people with disability in the work force. I wanted to show young people that having a disability doesn’t stop you from doing things. And I have to be honest, my students have been really amazing in terms of inclusion.

I think my first role model was that fictional character, Elspeth. As an adult, my role model is Stella Young; she was a very powerful woman and a strong disability advocate.

I found my teaching role model during my first placement at Radford College. The Photography teacher took me under her wing. She was gentle, gracious and enthusiastic. Watching her, I told myself that’s the kind of teacher I wanted to be. Unfortunately, earlier this year she passed away in a motorcycle accident. It felt like I’ve been punched in the stomach. She has been a very big role model for me.

My favourite book now? I am a big fan of Harry Potter, it is such a well-written series. It deserves all the accolades it has gotten.

And I still love the Obernewtyn Chronicles. I would read it over and over again. I also love the Handmaid series. As TV series, it is very confronting and powerful. It is a show that has the potential to change our life and our culture as it is. You can see what lead up to that culture; a lot of things are very believable. Lots of these things have happened already here in Australia; the British settlers have done it to the indigenous population.

My biggest regret in a way is buying my house. Because it has tethered me in one spot. But then again, I am not a person who dwells in regrets because it causes one to live in the past. I tend to see everything that happens as opportunities; it allows me to change the way I am doing things and to challenge myself.

I am the most peaceful when I go out into nature. One of my favourite places is Namadgi National park. There is a place there that I discovered and I keep going back; it’s called Rendezvous creek. There is a natural granite formation that looks like a standing stone circle. I go back again and again and again. I love nature and the solitude of being in down Namadgi with no one around. I can just sit there and absorb the beauty of the area. I would love to do an etching or a linocut of that scene.

If I had to use only one word to describe myself, the first word that comes into my mind is “creative”.

I think both, success and failure motivate me. Success keeps me going. Failure can be a bit daunting until I had a chance to think about it. Then after I thought, I can look at the opportunities of learning.

 Horses are a big part of me. It’s a love-hate relationship. Sometimes I think I am ready to put it behind me. Six months ago, I tried to sell everything. I put an add up for Ollie then I realised I can’t do it. He is definitely not going anywhere. Horses will always be a big part of my life; I have been riding since I was 10years old.

Honestly, those 18 months without horses – were the worst in my life. I tried roller-derby for a while. It was interesting but it wasn’t for me.