The Artist

"My innermost dream is still that freedom dream; riding, getting a campervan, rent out my house, take my horse and travel around Australia and be a nomad. I would also like to do more art, but I don’t see why the two can’t co-exist. I have a very strong instinct of not staying in one place". 

Earlier this year, I have decided to fill in the gaps of my artistic education and I enrolled to study for a Diploma in Visual Arts. 

I didn’t realise it when I signed up, but I am getting so much more out of my new learning. I have learned new techniques. I have great teachers, who are extremely supportive. I achieved things I didn’t think possible. My confidence has increased, as I am slowly working my path. But the best thing of all, I have made so many new friends in my talented classmates. I will never forget our first day, when one of our teachers asked us all to introduce ourselves and talk about what we wanted to achieve with this course. That was the day I met Niki.

Before I go on with Niki’s story, I feel I need to write about a couple of memories – things that happened a long time ago, before I knew I was going to call Australia home.

I grew up in Communist Romania, where the borders were closed. We had no idea, no understanding of or connection with the outside world. But that was not a barrier for imaginative minds. I remember this game that my sister and I had as children. We had a world map hanging on the wall and we liked picking up a country, trying to imagine what life was like if we lived there. One time, I picked Australia. We day-dreamed about how amazing it would be to see a platypus, a koala or a kangaroo. We talked about how similar some of the Aboriginal art was to our Romanian traditional art. 

I didn’t know back then that it will be my new homeland.

Fast forward to my 20s, I was the International Maritime Safety onboard a cruise ship; we just docked into Sydney. The Communications Officer was just getting the local news and we could not believe what we were seeing. Back then, on the Navigational Bridge quarters of the Norwegian Wind, our small group of officers huddled together, weeping for people we’ve never seen.  It was 2003 and we were watching a footage of the devastating fires in Canberra. I didn’t know back then that it will be my home city.

I was in awe, seeing Niki on my first day at Uni. I recognised her instantly as the winner of the Rising Women of Spirit Award in 2014. As we got to know each other in more depth, I discovered a beautiful soul and a remarkable artist. In fact, at the time I am writing this article, Niki has just hosted her first art stall at the Winter Art Fair and her works sold like hot cakes – a well-deserved recognition of her talent. You can follow Niki's artistic projects on her Instagram or FaceBook Pages. 

- "I wear a few hats every single day. First, there is my teacher hat – and that is the big one, the most important hat. At home with my animals, I wear a totally different hat; I treat them as my own children. Then there is my Artist hat – one that I had lost for a while and I have only started to wear only lately. Like everyone else, I have a social media hat; we all carefully curate what we put out there; my media persona is very different from my “at home” persona.

I am a very different person when I am teaching, as opposed to who I am at home.

I am quite an introvert and being around people takes a lot of energy. Showing my “confident” alter ego takes a lot out of me. 

I think I like my teacher persona the most, out of all these hats.  It’s emotionally exhausting being that person - but it is very rewarding.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a pony or a mermaid. Unfortunately, I never ended up being either. Ocean would be cold and polluted right now, so it’s a good thing.

Later on, I think I wanted to be a police officer but then I realised I was too nice for that. In the end, I wanted to be a graphic designer. I never really wanted to be a teacher until I was in my mid 20s.

When I was about 9 or 10, I read “Watership Down” by Richard Adams and I loved it. It was quite imaginative, with these anthropomorphic animals that think like people. I remember feeling a huge satisfaction when I finished reading it. My best friend and I used to compete who could read more. I never managed to beat her.

Coming out of high school, I wanted to be a graphic designer. 

I didn’t get the score to get me into Graphic Design but I got into industrial design instead. I always knew I wanted to do something creative. It was too technical for me. I did a Graphic Design minor and half of it was photography. I remembered how much I liked photography. So, I decided to go to CIT and studied photography there. I never regretted that.

Back then, I was obsessed with Isobel Carmody’s post apocalyptical series “The Obernewtyn Chronicles”. I used to be so captivated by this world – I still am. There is a group of people with almost psychic powers living in the mountains. One of the main characters, Elspeth, is able to communicate mentally with animals. I always wanted to be able to do that. She had a horse and she communicated with it - it was my dream too, to ride my horse through the mountains and be free.

After the fire, I got into Para Equestrian Carriage Driving and I was going to be competing in the Netherlands. I ended up in a car accident, skidding on black ice and hit a concrete barrier. It was pretty scary, surviving with only a couple of soft tissue injuries. But it was enough that I had to pull out of the competition. After everything that happened, to end up in a car accident like that. I didn’t want to have anything to do with horses for 18 months.

Then in 2013 I found Ollie, 18 months after I rage-quit horses. 

I know I made the right decision, I won’t compete again. But I cannot stay away from horses. I want to go back to that dream of riding through the mountains. When I saw Ollie – everything about him was perfect. Then afterwards I found Misty. She is a Highlands pony and she is very gentle. Misty is not as self-confident as Ollie, she gets worried if she feels that the rider is worried. Ollie remains calm if I panic.

Who I am now? I still don’t think that I fully know. We always strive for our best. Do we ever get to know ourselves? I am no sure. Do I like who I am? Yes. I think the older we get, we accept it better. I still have to go a lot but I am happy with who I am at the moment.

My innermost dream is still that freedom dream; riding, getting a campervan, rent out my house, take my horse and travel around Australia and be a nomad. I would also like to do more art, but I don’t see why the two can’t co-exist. I have a very strong instinct of not staying in one place. Unfortunately, like many others, once you get a mortgage, you kind of get tied up here. There are a million other things I’d rather be doing and move freely.

I am naturally an optimistic person. I will find the positive in just about any situation. Even last year, when I stuck in a school I wasn’t enjoying, I could see positives, trying to get though the day then come 3 o’clock, I would be out of there, doing something else that I liked.

Even when I was in hospital for 10 months, I kept telling myself that this will get better. I took one day at the time and tried to stay positive. It was a real test of strength; I told myself “I was able to do this, today”. Then I turned it around into “today, I will do this” and then once I achieved that,  I moved towards the next goal. 

I had to re-learn to do everything for myself. One thing at the time, I had to learn how to be optimistic again when everything was taken away from me at that point. What else did I have? I told myself the only way to go about this huge new challenge was to change myself and my thinking.

The most important thing that I learned from that experience was: ok, this was crap, how can I change it. I learned to take the responsibility of a situation instead of blaming the others, coz that is the easiest thing but you don’t give yourself any power when you do that. 

It has been hard, but changing my ways of thinking was best chance I had.

I did fall into a pit of despair and I came to a crossroads. I had two options; to let it go as it was or to change it. I didn’t want to feel like crap anymore therefore I decided to change, and find the way forward.

People often call me inspirational. It drives me nuts. All I did was survive. You have no idea of what you are capable of until you are in that situation.

I really like this Stella Young quote of an acquaintance with the same condition. Everyone likening her to a delicate snowflake. “If that happens to me, I do not want to be a delicate snow flower. Remember me as a very strong powerful flawed woman.”

This is who I want to be. I want to be the voice to say that the best thing to do for people with disabilities is to give them the independence they want to have.

I once did a drawing course with someone who was a great teacher but did not know how to handle me. In the end I stopped attending; I could not deal with them constantly hovering over me and constantly referring to my disability – it was so frustrating. It’s a shame really, because it was a good course and I was enjoying it.

In five years’ time, I would like to be working part time, have that campervan, travelling around the country and make more art. I would love to have an exhibition. I am looking at joining a couple of artists organisations and take my art more seriously.

If I had my 15 minutes of fame, I would make a point of advocating for disability inclusion. Part of the reason I became a teacher was to have more visibility for people with disability in the work force. I wanted to show young people that having a disability doesn’t stop you from doing things. And I have to be honest, my students have been really amazing in terms of inclusion.

I think my first role model was that fictional character, Elspeth. As an adult, my role model is Stella Young; she was a very powerful woman and a strong disability advocate.

I found my teaching role model during my first placement at Radford College. The Photography teacher took me under her wing. She was gentle, gracious and enthusiastic. Watching her, I told myself that’s the kind of teacher I wanted to be. Unfortunately, earlier this year she passed away in a motorcycle accident. It felt like I’ve been punched in the stomach. She has been a very big role model for me.

My favourite book now? I am a big fan of Harry Potter, it is such a well-written series. It deserves all the accolades it has gotten.

And I still love the Obernewtyn Chronicles. I would read it over and over again. I also love the Handmaid series. As TV series, it is very confronting and powerful. It is a show that has the potential to change our life and our culture as it is. You can see what lead up to that culture; a lot of things are very believable. Lots of these things have happened already here in Australia; the British settlers have done it to the indigenous population.

My biggest regret in a way is buying my house. Because it has tethered me in one spot. But then again, I am not a person who dwells in regrets because it causes one to live in the past. I tend to see everything that happens as opportunities; it allows me to change the way I am doing things and to challenge myself.

I am the most peaceful when I go out into nature. One of my favourite places is Namadgi National park. There is a place there that I discovered and I keep going back; it’s called Rendezvous creek. There is a natural granite formation that looks like a standing stone circle. I go back again and again and again. I love nature and the solitude of being in down Namadgi with no one around. I can just sit there and absorb the beauty of the area. I would love to do an etching or a linocut of that scene.

If I had to use only one word to describe myself, the first word that comes into my mind is “creative”.

I think both, success and failure motivate me. Success keeps me going. Failure can be a bit daunting until I had a chance to think about it. Then after I thought, I can look at the opportunities of learning.

 Horses are a big part of me. It’s a love-hate relationship. Sometimes I think I am ready to put it behind me. Six months ago, I tried to sell everything. I put an add up for Ollie then I realised I can’t do it. He is definitely not going anywhere. Horses will always be a big part of my life; I have been riding since I was 10years old.

Honestly, those 18 months without horses – were the worst in my life. I tried roller-derby for a while. It was interesting but it wasn’t for me.

 

The Faithful

My innermost dream is to see a Christian revival throughout the country, if not the world; and possibly be part of that revival. I want people to experience God in their lives

The energy around our dojo is contagious. When we joined, it was initially because we wanted to do an activity together, as a family. We found an extended family here; we made many wonderful friends and most importantly, we found some amazing mentors. The laughter is contagious, particularly when there are so many young children around and soon enough, I noticed what a difference it made, when one is smiling while training. 

I have always admired Sensei Craig’s way of channelling kids’ energy and gently guiding them into action. In time, I grew to admire more and more the type of person he is. We share the same sense of humour and sometimes we commiserated over parenthood dilemmas, as our daughters used to be in the same class.
However, the reason that made me ask him to be a sitter in this project was his great ability to juggle his own several hats each day.

- “I wear probably 4 or 5 hats daily, depending on the day of the week. I am a husband, a father, a priest, a Sensei and a soldier. It’s very hard to choose a favourite. It will be a close draw between being a father and a husband; I am a family man.

When I was a child, I wanted to be a pilot. Back then it seemed something exotic and wonderful and exciting.
I have no recollection of a favourite story or anything from my early childhood. I was 6 years old when I suffered total amnesia. 

My foot got caught in the stirrup of a horse that bolted and I got dragged for a couple of hundred meters. I was unconscious for a week. The earliest I can go back in time, I think I loved Snow White because of this idea we have of happy endings. Snow White is the standard fairy tale with the happy ending.

I used to paint my pinkies in pink because that was a tradition for men many years ago; and because I could fight. I used to be a rebel; I used to do everything different. I wore an earring for a while in high school but then when everyone else started to wear one, I took mine off because I was only doing it to be different.

Coming out of high school, I decided I wanted to be an engineer. I studied for a couple of years but then I gave up. Freud would tell you that I was probably seeking my father’s approval and that I was pursuing engineering for the wrong reasons. Eventually, I swapped after a couple of years and I went to study law. I never finished law either.
I was searching for God at the time and I had ethical dilemmas with studying law. Then something happened. In my first year of law studies, I found out that I had dyslexia; more exactly Irlen Syndrome, which at the time was considered a form of dyslexia. I didn’t realise it until a point when, after spending three days and three nights studying, I could not catch up. I started to ask some of my colleagues what their average speed was and I was blown away to hear that other people go through 20-30 pages per hour. My average speed was 2 pages per hour. Until then, I wasn’t aware I had a problem. My previous reports would say I was lazy and did not study, but they haven’t pick up on my inability of reading because I had a high enough IQ to cover that. I just assumed that everyone read at the same speed.

My dream back then was to prove myself to my father and to end up wealthy and successful; -pretty much to be the image of everything that the secular society told me it would make me valuable”.

- How do you think you did with that dream?

- “I abandoned that. I found God and I realised how hollow and empty those pursuits were and that I was never going to find happiness or my self-worth in pursuing those things”.

- How did you find Him? Was it a revelation or an intrinsic self-search?

- “I always knew He was there. I honestly can’t remember a time when I didn’t know that God existed. I used to always ask a series of questions to lots of people when they were trying to Evangelise to me. And most of them failed answering those questions. Then something changed when I joined the army the second time. A chaplain was able to answer my questions and that was the beginning point of where I had a mature understanding of who God was and what a personal relationship with God is. 

I like who I am now, because I realise I found purpose in what I am doing in life. All the things I was previously doing, they felt empty. Instead, now I have God - given purpose in life. 

- My innermost dream is to see a Christian revival throughout the country, if not the world; and possibly be part of that revival. I want people to experience God in their lives.
The way society is going, people are searching for something to fill their lives because we were not made to be alone. We are meant to be in a relationship and without that, people tend to fill the empty space with things – things that can be quite destructive; drugs, sexual abuse, promiscuity, alcohol, trying to fill the emptiness with things. We are made to worship and when we are not, we become isolated, we are filling our needs with the wrong things; be it our cars, our houses, you name it. Something else becomes our god and when that happens, we don’t end up fulfilled because those things are not able to replace spirituality”.

- What about scientists? Do you think their lives are not fulfilled? That being said, Newton was a scientist and a man of God.

- “Science is trying to prove things with empirical proofs. That’s fine. But if we were to apply science on God, scientists are not able to prove the miraculous – because by definition the miraculous doesn’t have any proof; you have to dismiss that in order to have the science. Then you still have this emptiness around, not being able to experience the miraculous that exist.
The Big Bang theory explains the creation of the world back to 10 to the -23 seconds, I believe, forward but cannot explain the creation of the Universe from point zero.
Even in the science world there are disputes about creation because it doesn’t address it fully.

The things that keeps me going and motivated are my relationship with God and my faith that what I am doing is His purpose for my life.

In 5 years’ time, I see myself in Townsville as a chaplain in the Defence Force, preparing for my eldest child to complete schooling and move into their next stage of life. At the same time, my youngest child will start his school. They will both need guidance and the acceptance that they can and will make mistakes. I would love to provide that support.

If I had those 15 minutes of fame, I would like to use them to share the Gospel message, that God came into the world as Jesus and paid the price for our sins and died on the cross so that our sins can be forgiven and we can have a relationship with God.
Whenever I have a Baptism ceremony, I give them a band with 4 colours on it that represents the Gospel message. The colours are: Green – in the beginning God created the world and everything was perfect. Black – sin entered the world. Red – Jesus came and paid the price for our sins and White - we are forgiven, now God wants to have a relationship with us again.

My first role model was Jeff Webb, the priest who brought me to my mature faith. And of course, Christ is my ongoing role model because I believe we are made in the image of God and that image is revealed to us in the incarnation of Jesus Christ;I am trying to model myself after Him, being a good Christian.

My favourite movie is the new Ben Hur. It’s even better than the original; in the first movie the Christian message was quite covert. The new version is more open.

My only regret in life is not doing it with a smile. If there is one single thing I could go back and change, it will be this, doing everything with a smile, be it bad, good or indifferent. Everything that happened in my life shaped me into who I am now. At times I struggled against that and resisted instead of smiling and accepting that everything has a purpose".

- Is that the reason you ask the young children to smile while we train in the dojo?

- "The reason I am a Sensei, the reason my class has grown is because I am there to give people confidence, to encourage and help them when they want to be helped. I don’t want it to be about me. If I stand in front and yell commands at people, telling them what to do, it becomes about me. When I tell them to smile and enjoy themselves, it’s about them learning in a fun way. I had a little boy who became intimidated when hearing commands and started to cry; I sensed pretty quickly that something had happened in his life, for him to react like that. I made a point not to yell, to make him comfortable, to build him up and show him that he could enjoy himself. I don’t demand respect, respect is earned.

The most peaceful place is at home with my family.
I am always in the presence of God and I don’t need to link him to singular places. The Church is the gathering of the people not the building. Limiting God’s presence to a building, is basically putting God in a box and basically saying God only exists in there.

Home is the only place where I can be me and I don’t have to worry about how my actions will be perceived by the people seeing me wearing all these many hats.

I met my wife when we were in University; we were flatmates for a while. She hated me so I move out but kept in contact with her. She had this vision that she was going to meet her husband at a certain party, wearing a certain dress. She also knew that her husband would have green eyes, but she didn’t know more because all she could see was him sitting in a corner. I knew exactly what that meant; because since I had moved out, I had always watched over her and I had kept in contact.
Years later I took her to that party; I already knew by then that I wanted her to be my wife. I used to pray for someone like Julie-Ann, but I wanted someone who was also Christian.

I didn’t realise it, in the beginning but somewhere down the track, it clicked. When we were talking on the phone, she always used to say “I have to go” but she never said where. Then one day, she confessed that she was going to church. An Anglican Church, so I knew that moment that she was going to be my wife.

I sent her a rose picture on Valentine’s Day, confessing my love and then we decided to be together. I was about to move out of town and Julie-Ann said she would move with me. I wanted her to come with me, but I didn’t want to live together playing husband and wife, so two weeks later I proposed to her. That was on the 1st of the 3rd of the 3rd: I resigned my commission on the 2nd of the 3rd of the 3rd and then I became a soldier on 3rd of the 3rd of the 3rd “.

- How does being a soldier and a priest work together?

- “I am going to be a chaplain, which encompasses both. Interestingly we see soldiers in a popular light; we don’t tell them not to be soldiers. We tell them not to be dishonest, but never to stop being soldiers. If you look at Christ; Christ gave his life to save us – soldiers do the same, they put their life on the lines, protecting communities and countries. 

I have been on Peace Keeping missions. They were very hard to understand at times and that is why it’s very important to have the conviction of who you are and why you are doing it. The hardest thing I had to do – I caught a young boy stealing electrical wires from an abandoned warehouse, he was going to sell it. I gave him a stern talking to. A couple of weeks later, one of the other patrols in the area found him injured and they had to take him to the hospital. He was about 9 or 10 years old. It’s very difficult to know how to react in these situations, I suppose I was trying to be a soldier and a parent at the same time. It was a case of working out what I needed to do to keep him away. In hindsight, I should have scared him off but it was one of those awkward circumstances, would I be a soldier or a dad for this little one”?

The Sophist

“My innermost dream is to be secure enough financially to do what I like doing and to be able to do more and give back to my community. I want to learn more about humanity and its limitations […] I’d like to be able to be in a role where I can mentor young women, teach them basic skills but more importantly resilience”.

It’s been almost 3 years from when I wrote the first story for these series of interviews. I have learned so much and I have met many people that I now look up to. Some of them have become great mentors. Others are now my extended family. Most importantly, I call all of them my cherished friends.

One of the hardest things is to find the right way to genuinely connect to people; especially when I haven’t met them beforehand and I don’t know much about them. It’s easy to say (inadvertently) the wrong things or to hit a false note before you even get the dialogue going. Therefore, it’s even more rewarding when that dialogue happens and people open their heart and share their story. 

I have only met Hoa on the day of our interview. I knew right then that she is an extraordinary woman and I will always carry with me this image of a little girl finding her cowboy boots as the image of comfort and happiness in her new country. To me, it’s an image reinforcing humanity at its best.

Recently, a friend commented on the importance of recording these stories of our time and on their documentary value. I didn’t fully realise how right he was, but it made me think. In light of recent global events, where refugees fleeing conflict zones are met with doubt and disdain, where young children get separated from their parents and made to stand in tribunals, with no legal representation, it becomes more important than ever to record these stories and learn. If we don’t take the time to listen, we might never understand how a child’s path is influenced by the chance given to them at the right time.

- When I was 10 or 11 years old, I wanted to be an architect. It was an idea that came from a Chinese TV series that I loved watching. There was a strong female character in it – she was an architect - and her character shaped my thinking about what I could be, although at the time I didn’t really know what an architect was. Throughout my life, I have always looked for the resemblance of that woman – for good role models, resilient, strong women who are able to be in a work environment where they would not have to try so hard to point out their eminence and aren’t seen like the underdog.

After becoming an architect, I realised that what I really wanted to be, was a Design Manager. I was part of the team working on Canberra Centre’s First Extension. We were in a meeting with the Project Director and all the consultants. At the time, architecture had been sidelined more and more and to our own discredit, the industry hasn’t kept up with knowing how to build on time and on budget. I realised in that meeting that they were cutting some of the design elements out and I remember sitting there thinking: I need to get into that chair, or as close as I can get to that chair, in order to have some control over the design.
After that, I left architecture and I went to work in project management for a while. I worked at the National Library doing contract administration, then I worked with Defence Housing, building houses around the countries and learning how to be a Project Manager. My true moment came when I was approached to be the design manager for Crace. I worked on Crace for eight years and then a couple of years ago, I was approached by the Ginninderry team and asked to work on their new project.

It is a challenging job, being the Design Manager. It requires a lot of thinking, putting good design back into a project, achieving results without going over the top and trying to find the balance between doing a great job while keeping within the budget. Everyone can build things, but are they sustainable? These days I am interested in the development as a whole project, not just the design element – that is only one part of it. 

- I don’t remember having a favourite story as a child, but when I was about 8 years old, my father was in the South Vietnamese Army, helping the Americans before they withdrew from Vietnam. He got a projector from them and we had all these movie nights, with all of our families and friends. Some of them were just documentaries, bits and pieces giving us a glimpse into a life style we didn’t know. They appealed to me. The Americans were about to withdraw from Vietnam; there was a lot going on and everyone was talking about starting a new life in America, having in mind the Western lifestyle. There is one thing that stayed with me because it shaped my life. In one of the documentaries, we saw this family, going about their life. The children slept in bunk beds, they had big soft toys and they were sitting in front of the fire. They were all wearing cowboy boots. It’s an image I carried with me and in fact, after we arrived to Australia, we were given Red Cross vouchers to get clothes from their stores. The first thing I bought for myself was a pair of cowboy boots. They were my favourite shoes ever and I remember thinking how close I was to that freedom, to the dream I saw reflected from that documentary. I felt so close to that family and that moment. I go back to it over and over again, realising how much it has shaped my life, how much I wanted to be part of the Western culture, getting all those things that we didn’t have in Vietnam.
I think I associated the Western culture with the sentimentality of comfort and family; it’s amazing how that has driven me. I wanted that stability I saw in the documentary. I was only 10 years old when we arrived in Australia and it was a new experience to finally have stability in our life. We had been living in a country that was constantly at war, changing money every month due to inflation. We couldn’t go to school, there was a lot of uncertainty. People started to disappear, after the Americans left. My father was sent to labour camp and we didn’t know where he was. My grandfather had to bribe officials to bring him back. In the end, we got on a boat and left for Malaysia. Back then, there really wasn’t a people smuggling operation. You had to find someone with a boat, willing to take passengers and then you would pay for your passage. They were also seeking refuge as well. The boat we embarked on, was the 3rd boat we attempted to leave Vietnam, and we finally made it to Malaysia. Being a Chinese family in Vietnam wasn’t easy. My grandfather was a wealthy businessman and we were targeted as the Capitalists. My father was sent to “re-education” in labour camp. In the end we had to leave to escape persecution.

- Did you find it hard to adjust to your new life style, transitioning to a new culture?

- No, I don’t think I was home sick. The uncertainty we experienced in Vietnam meant there wasn’t much we wanted to cling onto. When you go to a new place under the conditions we experienced, you just go with the flow. After we arrived, life settled pretty easily. We would go to school then to Sunday church group. The Australian families welcomed us and it brought back that community feeling. They would offer us lamingtons and scones for afternoon tea after church. We were housed in a hostel and we were offered an English program for adults and school for the children. We were very well looked after, in terms of shelter and basic needs. I didn’t know English well at that time but one learns very fast. I don’t know the exact moment when I started thinking in English. I remember this moment of realisation one night: “God, I am thinking in English, when did that happen?” I was 13 or 14 years old, I think. I can’t think Cantonese now; I find it fascinating, how this transition happens, when you speak two languages. My siblings and I speak English to each other. My parents speak both Cantonese and English and we use both languages to communicate.

Coming out of high school, I chose Architecture. I worked hard in school and after I finished the HSC, I had enough points to study medicine – it’s every Asian parent’s dream, that their child will study medicine or dentistry. I didn’t want that. I chose architecture, it was what interested me ever since I was a little girl. I wasn’t sure what it was going to be like, but I do like the science behind the art form. 

It’s something I have always been conscious about; I appreciate art to a certain extent. I take photographs, I put them on Instagram and I don’t put any comments. All my photos are just images of a celebration of life. I go around, take plenty of photos of everything and celebrate life in all forms. They are not a work of art, in terms of photography, but they reflect me. It’s me, seeing the joy in life. I like art that does tell a story and touches you even through the most ordinary things. In fact, the more ordinary it is, the more poetic. I find it very nourishing for the soul.

- Who am I now? I would like to think that I am a lot wiser and more comfortable in my skin and a lot happier. The biggest thing for me right now is the ability to understand the human condition and its limitations. Seven years ago, I went through a divorce; it felt like the rug was pulled from underneath me and I didn’t know how I was going to survive. I had to wrap up that part of life and pull myself out of the mess – It’s been a great journey actually. I understand now what it means to be fulfilled and I am actually grateful that things worked out that way. I wouldn’t be where I am today and I wouldn’t be who I am, without that experience. I have finally come to understand that there were parts of me I didn’t like and I could work on, to become a better person. I look at my mirror, trying to pull apart what is intrinsically me and what has been nurtured? what was the environment pressure? All those things were going through my head: which bit is essentially me and which is not? I got to know and understand myself better. You feel so free, once you get to that point. There has been a lot of internal reflection over these last few years. I have always been one of these self-help readers, trying to read any self-help book that came my way. I think this has been part of my path to contentment. I would not describe myself as religious, but spiritual. There is this particular Buddhist monk in Western Australia; I love listening to his sermons because he brings me a lot of comfort. He is very practical and that resonates with me.

There is a constant struggle in me, a debate between art and pragmatism. I appreciate art but sometimes there is the dilemma when facing a choice between art and practical things. For instance, where does one draw the line; how do you choose whether to fund hospitals or to fund the arts? It’s a hard choice; it’s not a question that is easy to answer. I struggle with that personally, because I think that both are important and because one cannot exist without art in their life.

I like where I am now in my life. I feel secure and I am able to show my vulnerability.

- Sounds a bit materialistic, but my innermost dream is to be secure enough financially to do what I like doing and to be able to do more and give back to my community. I want to learn more about humanity and its limitations.
Growing up in a Chinese family, like millions of Chinese girls and boys, I had to be more than perfect – expectations are unbelievably tough. I think that approach, where you cannot show your vulnerability is not very good for any child. I'd like to be able to be in a role where I can mentor young women, teach them basic skills but more importantly resilience.

I feel that I have been so isolated, in the way I grew up. The expectations are high and you don’t have the freedom to be who you are, except the person you have been moulded into. I hope I will have the ability to define myself. One thing I am very proud of, is that I am not a tiger mom. I let my son choose what he wants in life. I say to him all the time that all I want for him is to live his life and not be restricted.

I think that by the time people turned 50, they should live the life they love, not the life that is expected; I think they have earned it - there are too many people that feel like they haven’t earned it and still asked for permission to live their lives.

What keeps Hoa motivated? 

- Determination and drive are what keeps me going. But I have to admit, you do need to score wins sometimes, that adds a lot to a person’s confidence. Each little success builds on the little wins, then there is a next one, and then the next one… and then it helps to shape your confidence. But if one is not given the opportunities, one can feel dejected and pretty beaten up.
I believe that determination is intrinsic to my character and not nurtured. Lots of girls get brain-washed to be compliant and accept their limitations but it comes down to the strength of character. Something I do love about myself is that I am determined. I got burned out so many times in my career because I didn’t know how to deal with stress, or ask for help or learn how to say no. I learned it the hard way, but I came out better and more resilient - that cannot be a bad thing and it’s something to celebrate. This is something I didn’t make time to do before but now, I celebrate everything. Life is a celebration.

I will turn 50 next year and without sounding pessimistic, if I am lucky I ‘ll live to 100 but really, the next 20 years are going to be the best years of my life. Reading about people dying when they are 49 years old, 50 years old or 52 years old gets me worried because I ask myself the question: did they get to do what they wanted to do in life? I get worried about not doing what I want to, therefore I make sure there are plenty opportunities to follow my dreams and that I am using the time to rebuild my dreams.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I tell you what, it takes a village to support a woman going through divorce too. I was so lucky to have the support of so many friends and family. There is no way I could have done all this on my own.

- I hope in five years’ time I will still be here at Ginninderry, doing more and in a bigger role. I want to be able to work with an even more diverse work team and learn to relate to people better. I want to do more of everything. We are all still learning till the day we die. And the more we learn, the more we discover what we don’t know. And one thing I come to realise is that you never learn diversity from the same group of people.

 

- If I had those 15 minutes of fame, I would love to be a good role model for younger women: I would tell them “take your time, don’t rush and make time to enjoy things more. Life is a marathon, not a sprint – so make sure you have enough reserve to run the whole marathon’. That’s what I didn’t do when I was younger; I was trying too hard to do it all. I never wanted to be a strong advocate for anything but I realised that once you are privileged enough to be in that position, it becomes a responsibility. I want to be the one to assist women in need of help.

- I was very fortunate that throughout my career, I had many good role models.
I am also my own role model because often if I don’t do something well, I go back and look at the ways I could do it better. And I take time to reflect on things, or congratulate myself on a job well done. I allow myself to enjoy the success because I have worked hard to get there.

- My favourite author is Ian McEwan - I really loved “The Children Act”. It’s about a judge – she has to determine whether a little boy can or cannot have a blood transfusion. The parents are Jehovah’s Witnesses and they wouldn’t allow it but the hospital takes them to court, in a bid to save the boy’s life. Obviously, she will determine that the boy should have the transfusion and it’s a decision that saves his life but this brought on other issues of ethics and morality. I like McEwan’s books because of this theme he explores in his works; life’s dilemmas and morality. At what point do some seemingly simple things that happen shape you into who you are? Like “Atonement” for instance. A little girl innocently lied and her lying affected and had a huge impact on everyone’s lives. On one level, it’s very fatalistic, but on the other hand, it shows how much our actions can affect the course of life; our lives and other people’s lives.

- My biggest regret is not understanding earlier what was happening with my life, and my marriage. When my husband left, I didn’t see it coming and for years, I beat myself up for not being able to see it, for not having the emotional intelligence to understand it. But I didn’t know how I could have done better.

- I feel most peaceful in solitude. When I bought my little unit, I changed the garden and shaped it into something I enjoy. I love gardening; it gives me peace and the solitude I need. I like reflecting and I spend a lot of time alone.

- If I had to define myself in one word, that would be “Complex” but we are all complex beings. I could be really strong and yet some days I feel helpless. I am trying to give myself permission to be human; I think showing my vulnerability is one of the important things that are part of the process. Another word that would describe me is “Glamorous”. I love beauty and beautiful things.

A question I like to ask my sitters is whether they are motivated best by Success or by Failure. I was really keen to hear Hoa’s thoughts.

- I would say Success. Failure teaches me to survive and from there, to try not to do again the things that lead me to fail. But I think I thrive on success. Every little success builds another one and another one and I find it easier to achieve things.